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Tom Cruise | Ayyyy! - Part 4
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Tom Cruise, politely refusing a gift

I will sell her in exchange for those magic beans

“TOM!!!!! Take her into the fold, she’s all yours! Take her to your leader!!!”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. This one will not do. She is not gullible enough.”

Hot Tom and Jerry Links

Hot Tom and Jerry is actually a noxious drink, but it has a place in the canon if only because of its supporting role in Damon Runyan’s immortal Dancing Dan’s Christmas.

Bill Murray, 24 hour party person (AgentBedhead)

The Gossip Girl gossip (AmyGrindhouse)

Suri and Katie have the same stylist (BricksAndStones)

Sesame Street goes to Gitmo? (CeleBitchy)

Another Viggo? (CelebrityBabyScoop)

The latest Crazy Spears Family rumour (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

No, THIS is the latest Crazy Spears Family rumour (DailyStab)

Nobody wins when you play Russian Roulette (CelebritySmack)

Carrie Fisher comes full circle (Defamer)

As does Christina Aguilera (GabbyBabble)

Kim Basinger, however, is eternal (Websters)

Maverick’s Crackberry AWOL (DListed)

Who is this woman and what has she done with Audrina Patridge? (EvilBeet)

Middle-aged spinster displays desperation (CandyKirby)

Joel McHale gives the un-royal wave (IBBB)

Peach Sidecar Links

For just five cents a day you can feed a Hollywood stylist (CelebWarship)

Tom Cruise busts a move (AgentBedhead)

Paula vs Simon. It’s ON, bitches! (GenosWorld)

Beyonce beaten! (AmyGrindhouse)

Kiefer’s a star in our hearts and on our sidewalks (UKPopSugar)

Childhood trauma explains Pam Anderson’s taste in men (CelebritySmack)

Brad Pitt’s kids will ask him to get married (CeleBitchy)

The Black Hole of Hasselhoff (CityRag)

“I love you.” “What?” (Reuters)

The weirdest way to skip work (Crunk+Disorderly)

Oprah admits she fell off the wagon (DailyStab)

William Shatner plays doctor (Defamer)

Your Illinois governor scandal sheet (EvilBeet)

Jessica Simpson learned from these guys (FourFour)

Cate Blanchett’s Spanx are showing! (GabbyBabble)

JLo learns Angie but good! (GoFugYourself)

You know what they say: big feet… (HolyCandy)

The 5th Day of Harriet Carter Christmas (IBBB)

Rumble at Chuck E. Cheese! (CandyKirby)

The day the Earth stood still for Keanu and Jennifer (ImNotObsessed)

The Brangelina clan to expand again? (JustJared)

Miley Cyrus, silent at last (SeriouslyOMG)

Jim Carrey will do anything for a laugh (ASL)

Lindsay Lohan’s leggings are flying off! (Websters)

Hot Buttered Brandy Links

When you’re out of rum, you’ve got to improvise. And you think those French farmers would drink imported stuff, cold night or not? Hardly!

Tina Turner is hot stuff! (SkinnyVsCurvy)

Tom and Katie and Dave and Vicky heat up (AgentBedhead)

Ivana new boytoy (CelebritySmack)

Patrick Swayze sets things straight (CeleBitchy)

Colbert vs Kanye; the war heats up (TheBastardly)

It’s the Great Recession, Charlie Brown! (IBBB)

Pure evil vs natural beauty (DListed)

Blaaaaaake Incarcerated Again (DailyStab)

Was Kate Winslet cheated of nude glory? (Defamer)

Can “Zoolander II” be true? (EvilBeet)

Sean Penn turned the heat up on James Franco (GabbyBabble)

Starlet attacked by yeti (GoFugYourself)

Camilla Belle not so hung up on personal hygiene (Websters)

Boy George will cuff you! (Mollygood)

Helena Bonham Carter’s mime performance of Les Miserables (CandyKirby)

Jessica Alba’s a Campari calendar girl (PopSugar)

Jasmine Tea and Almond Cookie Links

Katherine Heigl LOVES dogs! (Lolebrity)

Britney picks the scariest Halloween costume of all! (PopTard)

Celebrity trading cards: paper-thin, good-looking pieces with a short shelf life (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse is a style icon to supermodels everywhere (CelebritySmack)

Wino is back on the ward (People)

My imaginary boyfriend will play the caterpillar in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland (DListed)

Cabbage Patch politicians (PopEater)

Paris Hilton nervous about being shot into space (CeleBitchy)

Mary-Kate Olsen sperminated? (CelebrityDirtyLaundry)

ScarJo is about six and a half years early for the seven year itch (DailyStab)

Celebrity doctors need love too. They just prefer to find it on Craigslist (Defamer)

Rent a blogger! (Gawker)

Diddy diddles the planet (HolyCandy)

Bono’s youth outreach (CandyKirby)

Paging Andy Warhol (IBBB)

Tom Cruise manhandles Matt Lauer (Mollygood)

Root for Naomi Watts (ImNotObsessed)

Hugh Jackman and Catherine Zeta-Jones in the rock musical Cleopatra (UKPopsugar)

The Curse of DWTS! (SeriouslyOMG)

Amy Poehler popped (Websters)

Anatomy of a deal

This offer is only good for 24 hours

So this is how the fancy-suited Hollywood power elite broker a deal – first, the friendly introductions followed by some fast talking and due consideration of the proposal of the table, then the all-important handshake and finally the hearty backslapping to congratulate each other on a long lasting and mutually beneficial partnership.

Let's shake on it!

Suffering Bastard Links

Tonight we dedicate our gossip link roundup to the concept, consumption, and practice of the Suffering Bastard.

HoverSuri iz hovering (Lolebrity)

Redmond O’Neal to re-try rehab (CelebWarship)

Even Paris Hilton looks down on Sarah Palin (Websters)

Chauncey Gardener makes her look dumb by comparison (Gawker)

Tom Cruise enters the Bedhead Hall of Shame (AgentBedhead)

Kiefer Sutherland is terrified of imaginary sharks (DailyStab)

George Clooney suffers Tom Selleck Follicular Syndrome (Defamer)

Bill Gates is a dick (NSFW!) (Valleywag)

Can you even imagine the suffering involved in dating Anna Wintour? (Radar)

Hitler’s is better than Zac Efron’s, to be honest (UKPopSugar)

John Cusack’s stalker FINALLY gets a date. In court (WizbangPop)

The Naked Chef is terrified of herpes! (GetLippy)

Kanye West’s narrow escape (HolyCandy)

Sting has a monkey on his back (CandyKirby)

another helpless victim of the economic downturn (IBBB)

Grog and Frog’s Legs Links

Well it kinda rhymes! Besides, who doesn’t like a good sipping grog and some crispy-fried frog’s legs to dunk?

Steve Carell is Mister Smooth (Lolebrity)

Someone nail those Spears fallopian tubes shut! (AgentBedhead)

Gerard Butler goes all Spartan on a pap (CeleBitchy)

Travis Barker has second sight! (CelebritySmack)

Pamela Anderson vs Cate Blanchett? (Defamer)

Lauren Bacall does not fear the wrath of Xenu (DListed)

Old King Karl was a merry, somewhat addled old soul (FakeKarl)

Get your That One t-shirts here! (EvilBeet)

Real Paris Hilton gets real political with Fake POTUS (GabbyBabble)

Weird Al is BACK, BITCHES! (SeriouslyOMG)

Aubrey O’Day must be a Republican (GoFugYourself)

The least wanted celebrity sex tape in history (CandyKirby)

MySpace fun with Lindsay Lohan fans (IBBB)

Spaghetti Cat strikes back! (MollyGood)

and then Madonna banned the Pope, Rasputin, Ethelred the Unready, and Howard the Duck (Websters)

Princes William and Harry are biker brothers (UKPopSugar)

The Cruise’s e-meter gets hooked up to the internet (CelebrityDirt)

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