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Is it Tuesday Already Links

Yes, yes it is. So have a nutritious Maple Leaf Martini and enjoy some tasty gossip links.

LolPalin (Lolebrity)

Suri! Step away from the Man in Black! (Websters)

How does it go? Ashes to ashes, guano to Posh? (SeriouslyOMG)

Actual pirates take a write-down as result of credit crisis (Radar)

Today in Things We’d Rather Not Think About News, David Crosby on the NBA’s members (DListed)

CBS desperately needs David Crosby’s help (CandyKirby)

What will Matt Damon say? Jimmy Kimmel’s right hand will soon find out! (EvilBeet)

Absolutely Fabulous to be imported, made 80% less fabulous (WoW)

Halle Berry is the sexiest woman alive (JustJared)

George Clooney is hot, wet, and ready for some one on one (PopSugar yes PopSugar!)

The latest Bond Girl was born with uh … extra appendages (HolyMoly)

Diddy fires Aubrey O’Day, the only woman who wears false lashes on the bottom, too (PerezHilton)

George W Bush offers his thoughtful perspective on the Iraq War (Mollygood)

Anna Faris stars in: Lopsided In Pink (GoFugYourself)

Today in Crazy Cab Driver TV (FourFour)

Steve Carell has shingles (Defamer)

Vlad (Putin) the Impaler (Gawker)

Keira Knightly’s life is worth Writer’s Guild of America minimum $ (DailyStab)

Shirley Manson speaks! (CelebritySmack)

Wait, Amy Winehouse can read? (AgentBedhead)

Energy Drink and Granola Bars Links

Kirsten Dunst sez: ohai this ar seckshool assawlt  (Lolebrity)

Miley Cyrus sez: Meet the boyfriend! (CelebuWreck)

Diablo Cody sez: I may be a badly-inked-up ex-stripper in a muu-muu with a sad robot fetish and twenty dollar Buster Brown haircut, but I’m still better than any of you (Defamer)

Pete Doherty sez: THIS is what became of the likely lads (AgentBedhead)

Elle MacPherson sez: please don’t tell Naomi or Kate! (DailyStab)

NYPost Columnist sez: kittens deserve to die (CelebritySmack)

TomKat sez: our love can never die! Never! Never, I Tell You! Hahahahahahahahawhat? (CandyKirby)

Pearl Jam(?) sez: HR Pufnstuf, where’d you go when things get rough? (raincoaster)

John McCain and Sarah Palin say: watch me pull a polar bear out of my hat (GalleryOfTheAbsurd)

Zuzu sez: every time Courtney Love flips the bird an angel gets its wings (CelebSlam)

Victoria Beckham sez: I’m 90% less plastic now! (CeleBitchy)

John Mayer sez: at least my Blackberry loves me! (PopSugar)

Madonna sez: hey, big deal! The guitar was eighteen! (SeriouslyOMG)

Sarah Palin sez: I don’t need to hear that Tina Fey! (PopEater)

Lindsay Lohan sez: Stay Gold! (Dlisted)

Sport Bar Honey Lager and Pretzel Links

Hey, I may be a snob, but I’m a snob who isn’t too proud to take the open bar in whatever twisted form it chooses to manifest in, especially when I’ve been working at an art project all day. Pass the peanuts!

Birth, christening, DNA test, court order: Miss Manners, David Spade on Line One (AgentBedhead)

Who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS 3! (DailyStab)

The Women are no Clare Booth Luce! (CelebritySmack)

Meat puppet vs producer:Hollywood Smackdown! (Defamer)

Lily Allen gets into another fight at a party (HolyMoly)

McCain wins the monkey vote (Gawker)

Karl Lagerfeld, wanted man (FakeKarl)

Intern George will solve your life (GoFugYourself)

Frantically clutching husbands: the Olympic event (CandyKirby)

Tommy Lee is pleased about blogger self-abuse! (IBBB)

So will Lilo do PlayGIRL instead? (ImNotObsessed)

Britney puts her meat through the grinder (Mollygood)

Brad Pitt handles the transition from Venice to CENTRE OF THE BLOODY UNIVERSE with grace (JustJared)

Pete Doherty costs me five bucks (SeriouslyOMG)

Perez Hilton is slim, handsome, and still completely ridiculous (Websters)

Ayyyy! Pop quiz

Tomkat

Oh these glamourous Hollywood types and their newfangled hand signals!  The above gesture can be translated into the universal sign for:
(a) We loved The Matrix movies, especially the bits about thought control
(b) Heterosexuals do it 4 times better!
(c) Bound by the vows of marriage and the same pair of jeans
(d) My wife’s arm can rotate even better than a Barbie doll’s

Jasmine Tea and Puppies Links

Been that kind of day. Gossip blog linkination, take me away!

(low standards, I know, I know)

Princess Beatrice duz not has British Teeth! (Lolebrity)

Henry Rollins thinks you’re a twit! (AgentBedhead)

Save the Cheerleader’s Undergotchies! (DailyStab)

Drink beer to become as smart as Jessica Simpson (CelebritySmack)

Get your hands on Matthew McConaughey’s Hook ‘Em Horns (SeriouslyOMG)

Mini Me, Maxi Media (CelebuWreck)

Matt Damon re-dads (CeleBitchy)

Be Nicole Richie’s slave! (BricksAndStones)

Now we know where Cher gets her wigs (IBBB)

Enter HoffSpace! (TheBlemish)

Ricky Martin: Livin La Vida Breeder? (CandyKirby)

This could be the greatest British comedy show ever (UKPopsugar)

Angie Harmon expecting (ImNotObsessed)

The Michael Phelps/Amanda Beard drinking game (ItsCandyTV)

The Legend of Spaghetti Cat (Mollygood)

Harry Potter had “a lot of fun” with Lavender Brown (JustJared)

The love triangle that ate the internet (Radar)

Liveblogging Project Runway (Gawker)

The Periodic Table of Awesoments (TheDapperstache)

Will this performance save Tom Cruise’s careeer? (Defamer)

Raspberry Margarita and Hot Tub Links

Miley Cyrus has a baggage (Lolebrity)

The Chosen Twins start life $3 million in debt to People Magazine (AllieIsWired)

Amy Winehouse Junkie Monkey ice cream on indefinite hold (AgentBedhead)

Simon LeBon fishing for crabs/Jake Gyllenhaal um no comment (CelebritySmack)

Robert Downey Jr’s 70′s pornstar womb broom (Websters)

Harry Potter and the Fanfic of NSFW (CityRag)

Not your grandpa’s Olympics: nip slip! (DrunkenStepfather)(NSFW)(don’t fire me boss!)

Peaches “Clean and Sober” Geldof weds guy she was not technically dating (BittenAndBound)

Milli Banana: even China’s adorable children are fake! (DListed)

Gwyneth looks fabulous, does not care about your bruised shins, plebe (CelebWarship)

Tom Cruise loses part to Angelina Jolie (DailyStab)

Brooke Hogan both tasteless and…Brooke Hogan (MollyGood)

Cougarboobs! (Defamer)

Ryan Seacrest, boytoy (CandyKirby)

Sharon Stone embargoes her camel toe (IBBB)

Thanks to these shoes, Rachel Bilson’s feet can withstand nuclear attack! (JustJared)

Tropic Thunder premiere attended by everyone but Thor himself (UKPopsugar)

Linkslide!

New Dark Knight movie has some surprises (Lolebrity)

Bad Boob(s) launches bad blog (SuperFantasticPlastic)

Guy Richie and Pete Doherty sitting in a tree… (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise, racketeer? (CeleBitchy)

Operation Shitstorm vs Co$ (Enturbation)

Where there’s smoke…there’s an Alicia Keys concert? (CelebritySmack)

McAdams love Gosling 2.0 (DailyStab)

The ghost of Kurt Cobain attempts to tackle an Olsen Twin (CandyKirby)

Katie Holmes does 1990 (DListed)

Jennifer Aniston is purse-sized (IBBB)

America loves New York City! (ImNotObsessed)

Save the cheerleader! from her parking ticket! (JustJared)

Steve Guttenberg unsure if he’s human (Mollygood)

Fake Karl Lagerfeld actually Actual Karl Lagerfeld (FakeKarlLagerfeld)

I don’t know about you, but I want to believe in Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny (UKPopsugar)

Samantha Ronson will do ANYTHING to catch Lindsay’s attention (Websters)

Classic Canadian Cinema (SuperPunch)

James Woods, your earthquake comic relief (Defamer)

LinkedOut

Suri has a muneez (Lolebrity)

Richard Simmons is a man’s man (Websters)

Guyliner goes mainstream (AgentBedhead)

Eyeliner works wonders (DailyStab)

Lance Armstrong comes out…of relationship (CelebritySmack)

Janice Dickinson, hot tranny mess (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Tranny or Trash: YOU decide! (CandyKirby)

Britney’s new friend is hung like a horse (IBBB)

New Trannie Barbies: Xtina and Eva (ImNotObsessed)

Ashley Tisdale trawls for tuna (JustJared)

Paris Hilton, cobbler to the creme de la creme of drag performers (Mollygood)

So then, what does Tony Romo get if he wins MVP? (PopSugar)

NIN, straight up (PinkIsTheNewBlog)

America’s Got Confusion: there are professional Ozzy Osbourne impersonators? (Defamer)

Morrissey invades Israel (Gawker)

____er ____ed for ****ing in ___ (Radar)

Flannel-shirted Miley Cyrus will NOT kiss a girl! (CeleBitchy)

Tom Cruise no longer a mama’s boy? (InTouch)

Amy Winehouse is a vampire (DListed)

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