Ayyyy!

I’ve never gotten the appeal of Nigella Lawson. I’ve caught her show a few times and it’s a-ight and when I worked in a bookstore in college I’d occasionally get a new box of cookbooks with Nigella on the cover with her in a tight shirt fellating or preparing to fellate some sort of moderately appetizing looking foodstuff. Once I caught her on a radio show where she declared Old Bay Seasoning to be the best thing about America, and although that is undeniably true and she shows excellent judgment in regional spice blends I just cannot give her a pass on this:

I get that this is a Lavender Trust party and that one tries to be thematic but honey, no.

You’re a chef and you are wearing a headwreath of ingredients and sure you’re pretty enough to just about carry it off, but this could be the beginning of an ugly trend and if you see Sandra Lee waltzing around in a bikini made of pre-cooked chicken tenders, you have no one but yourself to blame.

A) Did David Gest and Nicholas Cage really have a baby?
B) Why did they give him a harmonica?
C) Is he wearing individuals?

Here are the mouthwatering answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. Babette’s Feast
2. Eat Drink Man Woman - The Opening Scene
3. Spanglish - The World’s Greatest Sandwich
4. Like Water for Chocolate - The wedding cake
5. Soul Food
6. Chocolat - The Chocolaterie
7. Waitress
8. Volver
9. Tampopo - The Noodlemaster
10. Big Night - The Big Feast

Congratulations to Heather Outside Boston for a pack-leading 5 out of 10 and kudos to MissMarj for identifying the elusive no. 4. For your efforts, you may treat yourself to the gastronomical extravaganza that is Babette’s Feast (provided you can find someone to prepare it for you).  And for those who are still not sated, here are some more classic food scenes to enjoy:

1. Goodfellas - prison food
2. Ratatouille - Remy cooks
3. Tom Jones - lusty eating

Shamus of the Dead! (AgentBedhead)

Ex-stripper Diablo Cody is a Twit (Defamer)

RIP, Dr. Albert Hofmann (Gawker)

Scarlett Johansson’s smoky voice falls down (DailyStab)

A good femme fatale knows exactly what she’s worth (CelebritySmack)

There’s always a tall, icy blonde in a little black dress (GoFugYourself)

CSI bust: posession of coke and heroin and more street cred than I thought  (ImNotObsessed)

Ricky Martin’s tropical island headquarters (Lossip)

The embittered con wants millions in cash from Amy Winehouse (CeleBitchy)

The plucky hoofer with two strikes against him (Mollygood)

Starring Lydia Hearst as the underage socialite (PerezHilton)

Your implausible plot twist, courtesy of The Hills (IBBB)

The Golden Couple in the South of France (JustJared)

God I love Graham Norton.

There is positively no reason for him to be in this post other than I love him, pure and simple. He is camp and cute and so, SO inappropriate (I died a thousand deaths when he set up his friend Dawn French –who is happily married to Lenny Henry– with a self-identified “chubby chaser” via some internet dating site and broadcast the entire thing on his television show) and if I were still the sort of girl who dated gay Irishmen, I would gladly be Teh Best Sexless Marriage Evar!!!1! with him.

Watch him here waxing eloquent about Dolly Parton and interviewing the unforgivably doable (seriously, call me) David Tennant.

In a continuing theme of fierce British bitches I give you Joanna Lumley who created my heroine, the legendary louche Patsy Stone of Ab Fab fame, making a bold choice in Hermes orange and Dame Judi Dench who will always have better hair than you. Always.

Always.

Oh Emma. My sweet, overacting, normal-seeming Emma. You hold a special place in my heart. Back in the day when I got dumped by the man I loved for a hirsute East-German amnesiac with a exceedingly tenuous understanding of the importance of wearing underwear, I pretty much stayed in my apartment for three months crying, drinking inexcusably bad pineapple-flavored rum straight from the bottle via a purple krayzee straw and watching Harry Potter on continuous loop until I fell asleep and my dog figured out how close my laptop.

You cannot, then, imagine my distress when I logged on to The Superficial and discovered (though I didn’t view the NSFW photos) that you have joined the cavalcade of pantsless party girls.

Ems, sugar, I get it. Daniel Radcliffe got his kit off in Equus, rode a few masked theater workers and it was a great career move. However, that was a play. This is real life, so unless you’re auditioning method-style for The Chronicles of Crotchia, you might want to let Hanes have her way with you from here on out. Besides, the part is TOTALLY going to La Lohan anyway.

So CNN personality Richard Quest got caught with his  pants full of drugs and his manjunk all macraméd up like my grandma’s begonias in some sort of kinky …something, and I for one say well done. It has been far, far too long since last we’ve had a good Central Park cruising scandal and while this one wasn’t quite what I’d hoped for (really I’m holding out for something involving Morley Safer, a ball gag and a stolen llama dyed the colors of the American Flag) I’ll take it anyway I can get it. If you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Here are the answers to Monday’s puzzle corner:
1. Jane Seymore/Solitaire (Live and Let Die)
2. Barbara Bach/Anya Amasova (The Spy Who Loved Me)
3. Honor Blackman/Pussy Galore (Goldfinger)
4. Jill St John/Tiffany Case (Diamonds are Forever)
5. Famke Janssen/Xenia Onatopp (Goldeneye)
6. Lois Chiles/Holly Goodhead (Moonraker)
7. Denise Richards/Dr Christmas Jones (The World is Not Enough)
8. Carey Lowell/Pam Bouvier (Licence to Kill)
9. Britt Ekland/Mary Goodnight (The Man with the Golden Gun)
10. Maud Adams/Octopussy (Octopussy)

Congratulations to mamafitz for a perfect score!  Your finesse in Bond femme fatales leaves us breathless and tingling with goosebumps.  Thanks for playing, everyone! For your enjoyment, here’s a real life Bond girl who knows how to have some fun.

Many congratulations to Stellacomans and Snarkypants who correctly identified this woman as Lady Randolph Churchill, Winston’s mum.

Let’s see Momma Cruise fit THIS into her Balenciaga tote.

Here are the answers to Monday’s Puzzle corner:
1. Much Ado About Nothing (1993)
2. 10 Things I Hate About You
3. A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999)
4. Hamlet (1996)
5. Romeo & Juliet (1968)
6. Richard III (1995)
7. Shakespeare in Love
8. The Merchant of Venice (2004)
9. The Taming of the Shrew (1967)
10. Henry V (1989)

Congratulations to la vache espagnole (a fellow HK’er I see!) followed closely by Leah with her enlightening treatise for a spectacular 9/10! We erupt in rousing cheers and deafening applause at this dazzling display of mastery. For your troubles, please go and  work Shakespearean Insult Generator to your heart’s content. And for mine, well I’ll just sit back and enjoy the sight of a shirtless Keanu Reeves (possibly the most maligned actor to appear in a Shakespeare movie) receiving an oil massage while wearing tight leather pants.

Here are the answers to Tuesday’s puzzle corner:
1. Angie Dickinson (Sergeant Pepper Anderson in Police Woman)
2. Mariska Hargitay (Detective Olivia Benson in Law & Order: SVU)
3. Stephanie Zimbalist (Laura Holt in Remington Steele)
4. Heather Locklear (Officer Stacy Sheridan in TJ Hooker)
5. Tyne Daly & Sharon Gless (Cagney & Lacey)
6. Kyra Sedgwick (Deputy Police Chief Brenda Johnson in The Closer)
7. Jill Hennessy (Dr Jordan Cavanaugh in Crossing Jordan)
8. Marg Helgenberger (Catherine Willows in CSI)
9. Cybil Shepherd (Maddie Hayes in Moonlighting)
10. Kate Jackson (Sabrina Duncan in Charlie’s Angels)

Congratulations to Sarah J & Jailifer (although answering later, Jailifer did name the actress/tv character, not the tv show) for a splendid 8 out of 10. We fire a 21-gun salute in honour of your awesome sleuthing skills! A special mention also goes to Deborah for identifying the elusive no. 6.  And raincoaster, please find it your heart to forgive me for not posting a more flattering picture of Angie Dickinson.  If you see the only other pic I had of her, you will concede that I didn’t have much to work with.  Take a gander at this, it’s like something Mischa Barton would wear (ok, maybe slightly better than that):

Manolo says, it is the movie event of 2008!