Ayyyy!

Shia LaBruised recovers from cougar attack (Defamer)

Golden Girl, you are not so Golden (BusyBee)

The first rule of Aloe Vera Club is… (AgentBedhead)

The Hoff is an EMPEROR! (CeleBitchy)

Kelly Osbourne has a black eye (CelebritySmack)

Your Daily Kiefer (DailyStab)(Sigh)

Tequila: Lost, but not forgotten (Defamer)

How can we be lovers if we can’t be Nicolette Sheridan Friends (DListed)

Britney spends time with her tots (GabbyBabble)

Top 10 Beauties (CandyKirby)

Ben Affleck is outward bound (PopSugar)

The political also-ran catfight. What the hell: there isn’t anything else on. (CNN)

and the other one is Emmy Rossum.

Yes, thanks to the fine reporting of USWeekly the world now knows that there are two more reasons to tune in to the inadvertent comic genius of the Lohan Clan each week. Ali Lohan: living la vida larger since at least Tuesday.

I’ve had a full can of Beaver Buzz (this is what Canoodlians have instead of RedBull) and made three spelling mistakes in the three-word title, so this should be interesting.

aaaaaand CUT! (CandyTV)

Barbie vs Barbie (SuperFantasticPlastic)

Nikki Blonsky…aaaaaaand CUT! (ItsCandyKirby)

Um, there are no words (HollywoodGoneWild)

Madonna: Lift you up like cosmetic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ashlee is sick and tired of pregnancy (CelebritySmack)

Salma Hayek and daughter out (DailyStab)

Russel Brand is trying to work up to LA (UKPopsugar)

Olsen vs Olsen (IBBB)

NYC=dead city (AgentBedhead)

David Spade saves puppies! (CeleBitchy)

Why California is falling into the sea (CelluloidBlonde)

Second chance at heroism (SecondChanceToLive)

Can Obama part the seas? (Mollygood)

Blake Lively: Man, I look cute. Don’t I look cute? MAN I look cute. Also kind of like Gisele Bundchen. Except for pregnant. BUT I’M NOT PREGNANT OK I JUST LIKE STANDING LIKE THIS. Is America Ferrera wearing bridal-weight taffeta?

Alexis Bledel: “Hey, um, guys. So, did like, anything weird happen to anyone else backstage? Because I’m pretty sure Christina Ricci just tried to slip me a shiv for ’stealing her shtick.’”

America Ferrera: “Wait, I thought that taffeta was back. Pat Field totally told me taffeta was back. Right before she dropped an olive into a bottle of hairspray, she said…crap.”

Amber Tamblyn:”I AM IN A MOVIE.”

Shaking up the world of advertising with hot British trannies (AgentBedhead)

Great balls of fire! Jerry Lewis is a gun-runner! (CelebritySmack)

Disaster warning: Green Acres, starring Elizabeth Hurley (DailyStab)

It’sCandyTV sends shockwaves through the podcasting industry (CandyKirby)

Volcano Lilo (IBBB)

Twitter rocks the gossip blogging world (ImNotObsessed)

Metaphorical trainwreck alert: Richard Simmons will do Letterman (Mollygood)

Vanity Fair’s Best Dressed list drops; socialites on suicide alert! (PopSugar)

The Godfather takes out a hit on The Dark Knight (Radar)

Fergie launches shoe line, cripples a nation (Websters)

You say “potatoe,” I say “Welcome to Dancing With the Stars” (SeriouslyOMG)

The LA Earthquake news roundup (Defamer)

Royalty rocks the house: Dita von Teese to perform for Prince Harry (CeleBitchy)

Builder of Planned Parenthood Project in Portland Pulls Out

God, it just makes me proud to work in “new media.”

Blaaaaake, Incarcerated for two more years (CelebritySmack)

The Pope finds your lack of faith disturbing (Lolebrity)

Patrick Swayze is immortal! (DListed)

Courtney Love is such a joker! (AgentBedhead)

No, really, she is (Gawker)

We need to set her up with these guys (CandyKirby)

Jessica Simpson is just like you, haters! (DailyStab)

The Chosen Twins spotted! (BauerGriffin)

Heidi Montag shipped to Iraq (JustJared)

Catastrophe on the set of “&” (Defamer)

Someone airlift Claudia Schiffer out of there before it’s too late (GoFugYourself)

If you turn your wife into you, is that self-abuse? (GabbyBabble)

Sean Connery thinks, strangely enough, that his grown son should get a job (CeleBitchy)

Dance like nobody’s watching…because if you’re Dina Lohan, it’s true! (IBBB)

Lindsay Lohan is a sellout (Websters)

Blogger donates kidney, liveblogs it (Mollygood)

Gwyneth’s so British she has a double-decker stroller (PopSugar)

Janet Jackson’s nipple not worth a half-million dollars (SeriouslyOMG)

Gore Vidal will have none of your nonfiction-worship, heathens! (Radar)

Katie Holmes goes shopping for an American Girl (WizbangPop)

Steve Guttenberg wants your answers, and he wants them now even if it means having to savagely beat them out of you. But Steve is also merciful and is not above dropping hints like 100 pound anvils on your head:
1. Three of the females have been romantically linked to the same guy
2. One is a fashion icon, another is a pretend fashion icon
3. One was protecting his pregnant wife
4. One is married to an Oscar winner, another was married to an Oscar winner
5. Two are throwing food items
6. Five are musicians

but where do they unplug?

Mischa, sugarlump, I feel your pain. The Daily Mail used a picture of your backside to illustrate “the modern hell of cellulite” and that sucks. But don’t worry baby, it happens to everyone (wow, I’ve never said that before and meant it, I feel so free! -ed.) My own personal thighs look like two topographical maps of Norway.  Since I’m older than you, I feel it’s my duty and privilege to share with you my time-tested cure for the dimples of doom.

They’re called “pants.”

Can you tell that Jake Busey, son of Gary, is mighty ticked off?  I’m almost certain that it has to do with his outrage at the shockingly ineffectual welfare system as pertaining to single-mother households.  Although there is a slight chance that he’s merely annoyed by the substandard quality of hairpieces on the shelves behind him, and while we’re at it let’s not rule out an excruciating toothache either (who knows how temperamental those Busey teeth can get?).