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Jennifer Garner’s motivation dissertation

Jennifer Garner

Jennifer Garner demonstrates why, while true professionals have no difficulty working with CGI creatures, it does make the love scenes more challenging.

Tracey Morgan is Glorious

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Tracey Morgan: Daaamn y’all, why you got to be that way? Can’t a brother get his Civil War Reinactment on in peace? Y’all KNOW you would do this $%^# to Morgan Freeman!

Amy Winehouse: Tragic yet Matchy

It’s refreshing to know that even during troubled times, prison-tat enthusiast and consummate entertrainwreck Amy Winehouse still takes time to coordinate her ill-chosen foundation garments with her cherry flavored phallic symbols.

Spirit Fingers, gone fishing

Ayyyy! has only been up for a month, but already I need a holiday. Yes, I’m frail like that.

But I can’t tell you exactly where I’m going because I don’t need anybody alerting the border authorities. And in the manner of Courtney Love, I will be traveling incognito.

Pssst, wanna know where you can get a new nose for real cheap?

So the plan is I shall return next week, relaxed, refreshed, somewhat poorer but laden with cheap souvenirs. In the meantime please continue to enjoy the delightful offerings from Manolo and Plumcake. They will have you on the floor, twisted in manic laughter.

I call this one, the Bavarian pretzel

Joaquin: Evolution watch

Suggestion

Hey look, Joaquin is Neanderthal no more.  But he is rather shocked by Jennifer Connelly’s suggestion that in the foreseeable future, he could very well achieve Vince Vaughn levels of bloat.

What would she know anyway, she’s just a gatherer who can’t tell that her dress is on backwards.

The Unbearable Lightness of Carrot Top

You start out slowly, with maybe those protein shakes. Then you switch to the needle. In the arm, between the toes, underneath the pencil line of your seriously questionable Kim Novak brows…anywhere to find a vein. Next thing you know you’re on the street with nothing to your name but a nylon shirt and a selection of Wet n’ Wild cosmetics offering to “naturally-moisten” people’s contact lenses for a buck.

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We’re back!

As Keifer Sutherland careened drunkenly into our servers with a resounding crash, our last thoughts before blacking out were “Paris Hilton, Rwanda what the….?” But like a determined grand dame we pulled through and now we’re kind of back and ready for Husband No. 9. Just in the time for Friday, just in time for the news that Michael Jackson may be once again, enjoying the fruits of marriage. Now there’s a mental image that’ll keep you awake tonight, and maybe over the next few weeks.

Specks in the City

Poor Kristin Davis, she had no idea there were laws against murdering Dalmatian puppies and turning them into an exact replica of the outfit I wore to Penelope Throckmorton’s 6th grade boy-girl birthday party.

P.S. watch out for that Richard Kreisermann…I heard he went firsties during that George Michael slow jam.

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