Laura Palmer RIP

I can never decide if I’m an 80′s girl (DuranDuran makes my skin crawl, but I adore early Madonna and U2) or a 90′s girl (U2 again, Nirvana, and the post-punk scene), but Twin Peaks is certainly greater than anything the 80′s ever came up with (I mean, Dynasty?). And it was 25 years ago today that Laura Palmer died, kicking off the whole mysterious boondoggle, inspiring many, many more.

From the equally mysterious Gawker Dating site comes this anonymous posting…

Diane, I really need some help on this one.

No, I’m not stuck in the Black Lodge or possessed again. I’m just starting to get lonely on my endless assignment in this weird, remote place.

Sometimes I’m romantically pursued by teenagers, or else I fall for convent-bound types. But what I really need is someone who can appreciate a slice of cherry pie and a damn fine cup of coffee.

Do you know anyone like that, Diane? Because at this point I’m totally willing to relocate.

#m4w
#gawkerdating

20110503

Surely somewhere out there is a woman who just likes a slice of cherry pie and a damn fine cup of coffee…Volunteers to the left.

What fresh Heck is this, y’all?

Mistress Tongue and the Acoustic Mayhem made their appearance on MTV Unplugged, and sadly the same word applied to our ears. Fortunately we found the remote after a mere 90 seconds of this caterwauling travesty and didn’t have to endure the torture any longer.

Now, I may be old and crochety, but it seems to me that if you’re going to go back to the 90′s for inspiration like Unplugged, there are better ways to combine top contemporary performers with vintage cool.

This, for instance.

Starring my old friend Mike from Vancouver. And also:

NEVER FORGET!

And, really, it’s a good goddam question.

That poor poodle looks frightened. What kind of action is going on there in the Action Zone???

At a screening with seats reserved for Raven Symone and Bret Easton Ellis. Feeling blessed.

— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) November 20, 2013

Yes, the life of an entertainment blogger is a glorious whirl of glamour! I think this one tweet sums it all up, right there.

In completely-unrelated news, we are ready to announce some winners!

The first person to correctly identify our Pre-Raphaelite Mystery Girl as Angela Lansbury was Emily M, who virtually wins this imaginary retro-yet-contemporary Mr. Heater MHGLLPG Base Camp Pro Series Indoor Propane Gaslight, Gray.

The winner of the Wednesday Caption Contest with Tilda Swinton is:

Tilda Swinton as a PreRaphaelite Surrealist object

Renée Layberry November 7, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

“I feel pretty, oh, so pretty!”

To Renee we hypothetically present the virtual very pretty Hello Kitty silver hand mirror.

And for our previous Caption Contest featuring Katy Perry, the winnah is:

Katy Perry Killerqueen

Mike Still September 28, 2013 at 4:07 am Edit #

The Madame Tussaud’s Gothic Audrey Hepburn exhibit is simply amazing …

To Mike we hypothetically present the virtual Barbie Collector Audrey Hepburn Sabrina Doll, with which we’re sure he’ll be delighted, if only because it’s one of the ones you can sell for a profit on eBay.

Who’s that girl?

You know how this works: put your guesses in the comments. Your clue for this challenge: Our mystery girl has a current beef with a current it-girl. So either she’s still alive or she’s a really really assertive ghost.

Scarjo, yo

You know where to look when you’ve got a need for up to the minute beauty advice and trends: Vogue, Allure, Harper’s BAZAAR. Cosmo (Miley, I’m looking at you). And now…

Esquire?

Totally straight men’s magazine Esquire has blasted into the Beauty Information Space with their new edition featuring second-time Sexiest Woman Alive Scarlett Johansson. And it’s a blast from the past at that: ladies, I’m pleased to be the first to point out that thanks to this photoshoot, Clairol Nice ‘n Easy Frost & Tip is officially back, bitches.

Clairol Nice ‘n Easy Frost & Tip; note you cannot EITHER frost or tip, but must commit to both frosting AND tipping. At least 20% to the hairdresser.

It seems to be Vintage week chez Ayyyy, and that’s all right with me. The music was better. The movies were better. The television commercials were, like, so way better. And this is one of them.

If your husband, brother, father or son has ever known the utter mortification of having flashed a shiny shin, perhaps in a job interview, perhaps in an important meeting. Well, tell your XY that the solution has been found! In 1966!

Not only that, but these very socks are still available, and apparently still selling well. Never suffer the indignity of an inadvertent shin flash again!

Marilyn Monroe had her secrets

Ever wanted to look like that? Sure, suuuuuure you haven’t. Wasn’t it Helena Rubenstein (hint: it was) who said, “There are no ugly women, just lazy ones?” So here, should you wish to take two solid hours to see how much you can look like Marilyn, is a tutorial on how to do exactly that, complete with some fascinating insights I’ve never seen anywhere else.