Sure, posing like that to support your national soccer team takes balls, but you just KNOW the one on the right is smugly thinking “You’re not supposed to put them in your shirt, Mister!”

Normally, I will go to great lengths to avoid anything to do with country music, particularly looking at the performers thereof. What can I say; I was traumatized by a Dolly Parton impersonator in my youth. The women tend to dress as boring old Hollywood-influenced Tila Tequila-alikes or what you might call the Grand Old Opry Courtesan, Courbet meets Colorado saloonkeeper, an upscale look not to be confused with the ever-popular “Gingham Streetwalker,” a look made famous by JonBenet Ramsay.

And as for the men: if they’re not hiding their receding hairlines under one of those outdated curled cowboy hats that Lisa Bonet popularized back when she still had a career, they’re falling into the dreaded “Let’s Get Creative With Formal Wear” trap. Fortunately, there are Elizabeth and Randy Travis to show them the error of their ways, and the long way you can go on absolutely flawless hair.

“Yo, yo, where my Scots at? Peeblesshire HOLLABACK!!!”

If there’s one thing I like more than an amusing fashion show, it’s an amusing fashion show sponsored by a booze company. Thus it was with an audible gasp and a clutch at my heart (normally I prefer a shoulder bag) that I realized my invitation to the Glenfiddich-sponsored “Dressed to Kilt” event had somehow been lost in the mail.

The flawless Alan Cumming strutted his Scottish stuff on the runway; he is, of course, no stranger to the subtle art of working the pleats.

Last night I modeled in Dressed to Kilt, the yearly event which showcases Scottish fashion, the kilt, Scottishness in general and also raises money, this year for war veterans. It was a hoot. The King of Scotland, Sean Connery, was there and I reminded him that the last time I had seen him, in Edinburgh last summer at a dinner thrown by Alex Salmond, the First Minister of Scotland, he had said he would never vote Labour as long as he had a hole in his arse!! Yes, he totally did. I love Sean, and I love that he has lines like that up his sleeve.

Here he is playing Dionysus on Broadway in a kilt and vest of truly supernatural superfantasticnosity.

Yes, the gods themselves approve of jazz hands. They also approve of this:

The handsome Scot Kyle MacLachlan is shown here NOT wearing the very attractive MacLachlan tartan, a cape of which I once sold him back when I worked with people instead of pixels.

Look! It’s everybody’s favorite silver fox, Sam Waterston!

Dashing! Clashing! Smashing!

A pair of wounded warriors show off the kind of tailoring that made a designer out of Alexander McQueen, among other masters of the form.

Matthew Modine knows there are some things one cannot do in a kilt. For these activities, God has invented knickerbockers. You might just be surprised at what is possible in a kilt.

In conclusion:

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• What’s going on: Kilts, scotch and BDSM for men (timeoutny.com)
• Open Post: Hosted By Sean Connery’s Ravishing Wife (dlisted.com)
• Photos: Alan Cumming, Mike Myers and many more at Dressed to Kilt (timeoutny.com)
• John Tiffany: from Black Watch to Peter Pan (guardian.co.uk)

Don’t forget to enter the Caption Contest and win fabulous, completely imaginary prizes!

Sure, why not? I bet this will be the bestest blog post about fishing hats of the rich and famous that the world has ever seen. Because there’s a googlewhack if ever I heard one. Note we are not talking about hats made of fish; we’ve already covered those!

Charlie Chaplin in Ireland:

Cuba Gooding Junior, whose dapper felt chapeau does not agree with his funky jams At. All. and someone has to tell him so and it might as well be me:

Click onward to see Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway, Barons, Models, and assorted Royalty:

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When it comes to capturing the attention of the Grand Sultan, how full-blown do your harem pants need to be?

Gee, is it that time of the year already? Which of these would you rather put on layaway now, for future gatherings under the mistletoe?

One is known for marching for miles, the other needs a cab to get from Bergdorf’s to Hermès.