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Friday Caption Contest: Capote!

Do your best/worst with our precious little literatus here. Isn’t he just adorbz? He was so cute before the bloat and the gin blossoms got him, but then, weren’t we all?

He's a little twee for me. It's Tru.

He's a little twee for me. It's Tru.

Friday Caption Contest: Catherine Zeta Jones bikini edition

You know what to do. Do it in the comments:

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven't seen much of you lately. Comparatively speaking.
Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately. Comparatively speaking.

I think it’s pretty clear there can be but one cocktail accompaniment to this, and that is a Naked Martini, otherwise known as gin, straight up (note not neat; “straight up” is shaken or stirred over ice to put a little water and oxygen into it, and gets it nice and cold, and now your cocktail trivia lesson for today is at an end).

And now, your gossip links, including the one from which I stole that picture:

And this is what happened to Steve Jobs, Viggo Mortensen and Julian Assange (raincoaster)

Help poor John Galliano find another job! (Ayyyy)

Winedown with Jean-Georges! (ManoloFood)

I am Woman, Hear me roar! (Lolebrity)

He’d better never date Jessica Simpson (AgentBedhead)

“Hustler?” Gee, I knew she was looking for work, but golly! (BusyBeeBlogger)

We should feel sorrier for her because she’s wearing THAT (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The Empress of Lucite just got some more plastic (CelebritySmack)

Lock up your lesbians! Xtina is single! (DailyStab)

America is a Miley-free zone? (EarSucker)

Gee, Catherine Zeta-Jones, haven’t seen much of you lately, comparatively speaking (FitFabCeleb)

PWND! (GirlsTalkinSmack)

We LOST track of Evangeline Lilly (HollywoodHiccups)

Gwyneth Paltrow’s hip bones make the cover of Self (INeedMyFix)

Marilyn Manson official scrapes the bottom of the barrel (MathewGuiver)

Because nobody watches Britney vids for the singing (PoorBritney)

RIP Mr. Tiger Beat (Swoonworthy)

What does “Virgin Marathon” even mean? You hold out till marriage? (TheSkinny)

It was the jacket, wasn’t it? (TheSkinnyChic)


News in Nomenclature

Why do they call it Ladies Day?

Why do they call it Ladies Day?

Seriously, why don’t they just rename it “Tramps and Drag Queens Day” instead of Ladies’ Day? I need a Drag Queen Cocktail and some distracting gossip links.

Ellen Page is poetry in motion (raincoaster)

Cornify makes any website into poetry (raincoastermedia)

Jack Kerouac IS poetry (Lolebrity)

This is a very poetic lingo, whatever the hell it is (Ayyyy)

Gwyneth is greased! Hounds, release! (AgentBedhead)

ZOMG I think we know what sent Morrissey into his rage (BusyBeeBlogger)

Their bodies are wonderlands (CelebDirtyLaundry)

The pen is mightier than the sword, and the dollar is mightier than the slur (CelebritySmack)

Engagiarmus! (CelebVIPLounge)

Bad Barbie is alarmy (CityRag)

PlayPenn Pals (DailyStab)

Celebrities, they text just like us! (EarSucker)

and Pauly D weeps into his mirror (FitFabCeleb)

She probably just wanted to work on her Ode To Tapdancing (HaveUHeard)

RyRey is CGI’d, big-thighed (HollywoodHiccups)

Least romantic love scene description EVER (INeedMyFix)

Literary light crashes and burns (MathewGuiver)

Macho Man Can! (Swoonworthy)

and then she smashed the cameraman with those roses? (TheSkinny)

Call it a deconstructive approach to the human face (TheSkinnyChic)


Stephen and Stephen say howdy to emo links

Stephen and Stephen

Stephen and Stephen

I’m in quite a mood lately, so getting through the gossip links today is gonna take a double.

If this doesn’t fix the situation in Japan, nothing will (raincoaster)

Hello. My name is Harry Potter. Prepare to die. (Lolebrity)

Saturday Caption Contest: Elizabeth Taylor Edition (Ayyyy)

Rachel Ray’s hideous secret (ManoloFood)

Whoopi Goldberg is out to destroy your sanity (AgentBedhead)

Happy Birthday, AntiChrist! (BusyBeeBlogger)

Kim Kardashian will DESTROY you, Nightlife! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Madonna will KILL MALAWI BABIES! (CeleBitchy)

This unspeakable monstrosity is a harbinger of APOCALYPSE! (DListed)

The AntiChrist is ready for his closeup! (DailyStab)

One lone hero against the Great Satan (FitFabCeleb)

because domestic abuse is great for ratings (EvilBeet)

The Four Hipsters of the Apocalypse? (GirlsTalkinSmack)

The Whoar! of Babylon (HaveUHeard)

RIP DJ Megatron (HollywoodHiccups)

Proud Parents of the End Times (INeedMyFix)

Remember how awesome people used to be? Yeah, well now they’re not. (PopBytes)

Kate Moss looks bad. Hell froze over after all (TheSkinny)

Apparently, time is now flowing backwards (TheSkinnyChic)

Here are the troubadours of Apocalypse (SeriouslyOMG)


Josephine Baker dares you, 2011

Josephine Baker will have none of your excuses

Josephine Baker will have none of your excuses

The immortal Josephine Baker thinks if your gossip isn’t juicy, it could at least be better-dressed (see Vanessa Hudgens link below).

A New Year’s prayer from Jeff Buckley (raincoaster)

Dear 2010, kiss my ass (Lolebrity)

The Cure for 2010 (Ayyyy)

Strangely, nothing to do with Milton Berle (Manolofood)

Ashton Kutcher, bringer of the apocalypse (AgentBedhead)

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, or so we hope (BusyBeeBlogger)

Ugly Sweaters: so 2010. The Look of Today? Ugly Leggings (CeleBitchy)

Shania Twain knows whose bed his boots have been under (CelebritySmack)

But there’s still time, Michelle! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Bikini Fails of 2010 (CityRag)

Paula Abdul is sotally tober! (DailyStab)

If he were as hot as Russell Brand, he wouldn’t be forced into rehab (Earsucker)

Dear Ex, u got servd, sincerely Lady Gaga (FitFabCeleb)

Lisa Rinna SANS FARDS (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Justin Bieber went slumming for New Year’s (GossipTeen)

Valerie Bertinelli knows how to rock a second wedding dress (HaveUHeard)

Lindsay, the FIRST step is admitting you have a problem (INeedMyFix)

Vanessa Hudgens can’t figure out which end of her pants needs hitching (JustJared)

Kathy Griffin is going to f—– Palin up this year (PerezHilton)

BritBrit to do GQ (PoorBritney)

Bitchy Brits vs Stateside Celebs (PopBytes)

John Stamos cast in Twilight??? (SeriouslyOMG)

You will never look this good in a bikini (TheSkinny)

Carrie Fisher, on Nature vs Nurture

Autobiography: Good anecdote, bad reality

Autobiography: Good anecdote, bad reality

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a quote for the ages:

“When my mother was about 7, my grandmother locked her in the closet. So, after my mom had been in the closet for about an hour, she asked my grandmother for a glass of water. My grandmother, naturally, said ‘Why?’ and my mother said ‘Because I’ve spit all over your dresses and now I’ve run out of spit and I wanna spit all over your shoes.’ These are the people I hail from.”

— Carrie Fisher

She’s also the author of one of the best opening lines in history, “I never should have given my phone number to the guy who pumped my stomach.”

Michael Jackson gave me the BEST present (raincoaster)

Who wore it better: a Gareth Pugh model or Godzilla (Ayyyy)

Frank Sinatra vs some pasty vegan (ManoloFood)

Katy Perry won’t admit she has a problem (Lolebrity)

This part is so radioactive they may have to hire Lindsay Lohan (AgentBedhead)

Amy Winehouse was once more ambitious than you (AmyGrindhouse)

RPattz pub candid! (TheBosh)

Reese Witherspoon ups the ante with her exes (BusyBeeBlogger)

This will not end well: fag vs hag (CeleBitchy)

Nicole Richie is no Lilo, yo! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Times Square is a Snooki-free zone (CelebritySmack)

Xtina has reXamined her approach to FARDS (CityRag)

No Doubt McCartney was thrilled to the core of his being (DailyStab)

Lock up your sperm! It’s time for Dancing with the Professional Uterus (Earsucker)

This has to be the best headline I have seen in WEEKS (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Archie Leach is appalled at this! (HaveUHeard)

Kelly Osbourne is OUT of control (INeedMyFix)

Kate Moss tiptoes her way out of modeling (JustJared)

A Charlie Sheen Christmas (PopBytes)

Coolest Hogwartian casts spell on Disney World (PerezHilton)

Kate Gosselin escapes to Australia to shoot her children (Radar)

Best-dressed heads of state (Styleite)

Have a FABULOUS Festivus!

Truman Capote and Andy Warhol pose for publicity stills for their new Broadway show, Gay Apparel

Truman Capote and Andy Warhol pose for publicity stills for their new Broadway show, Gay Apparel

Santa, baby! I don’t think a lollipop is a fair trade for that puppy Capote is tucking under your belt, but then, you know how I hate purse dogs.

Hump Day Links: Tom Cruise Edition

Oh, I know what you’re thinking, but I have my reasons.

Tom Cruise would be quite tolerable if he'd only keep his mouth shut

Tommy Boy may be as nutty as a Sandra Lee-inspired fruitcake, but he sure is pretty! I’d join him for a Risky Business Cocktail any time (if only to keep his mouth full so he couldn’t talk).

Joel is no mystery man (raincoaster)
Gary Oldman, man of a thousand grooming choices (Lolebrity)
Nigella Lawson and John Cusack would be a dream couple (Manolofood)
Norman Mailer and a poodle (Ayyyy)
Ewww, Simon Cowell arms! (AgentBedhead)
Whut up, Don Draper? (BusyBeeBlogger)
Mariah, that’s not very flattering to your husband (CeleBitchy)
Two and a Half Times as much Idiocy (CelebDirtyLaundry)
The Addams Family paints the town black (CityRag)
Who’s Sari Now? (CojoStyle)
The 90′s are back and your local arena’s got ‘em! (DailyStab)
Now THAT is a funny caption (DListed)
Yeah, but do they KEEP it down? (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Harry Hughini? (HaveUHeard)
Kiefer is coming! Kiefer is coming! (INeedMyFix)
The bodyguard shakedown breakdown (PoorBritney)
We ALL feel that way, honey (SeriouslyOMG)

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