Ayyyy!

Say “nuclear!” (Lolebrity)

Sarkozy. Mme Sarkozy (AgentBedhead)

RIP Mr Blackwell (CelebritySmack)

Angelina Jolie ready to be the “cool” mom. In other news, Pangea ready to disburse. (DailyStab)

The United Kingdom’s greatest natural wonders (CandyKirby)

Paris Hilton is serious about this social climbing thing (CeleBitchy)

Gillian Anderson had her baby (DListed)

The world’s most beautiful woman (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Making the perfect Celebrity announcement (Defamer)

Beverly Hills Bailout (Gawker)

Beverly Hills Cthulhu (raincoaster)

Mr Blackwell’s Worst Dressed List of Eternity (Gawker)

Zac Efron is legal everywhere! (GabbyBabble)

David Banda just can’t win! (MollyGood)

The latest in Jessica Simpson overshares (Websters)

Tonight we dedicate our gossip link roundup to the concept, consumption, and practice of the Suffering Bastard.

HoverSuri iz hovering (Lolebrity)

Redmond O’Neal to re-try rehab (CelebWarship)

Even Paris Hilton looks down on Sarah Palin (Websters)

Chauncey Gardener makes her look dumb by comparison (Gawker)

Tom Cruise enters the Bedhead Hall of Shame (AgentBedhead)

Kiefer Sutherland is terrified of imaginary sharks (DailyStab)

George Clooney suffers Tom Selleck Follicular Syndrome (Defamer)

Bill Gates is a dick (NSFW!) (Valleywag)

Can you even imagine the suffering involved in dating Anna Wintour? (Radar)

Hitler’s is better than Zac Efron’s, to be honest (UKPopSugar)

John Cusack’s stalker FINALLY gets a date. In court (WizbangPop)

The Naked Chef is terrified of herpes! (GetLippy)

Kanye West’s narrow escape (HolyCandy)

Sting has a monkey on his back (CandyKirby)

another helpless victim of the economic downturn (IBBB)

David Hasselhoff stars in It Came from the D-List! (Lolebrity)

Zac Efron in Three’s Company (MikeyMars)

Matt Damon and Brad Pitt in Celebrity Dad Faceoff (TeenyManolo)

Gossip Blogger in My So-Called Life (raincoaster)

The Young and the Wasted: The Gawker 20 (Gawker)

The Spice Girls star in The (Gilded) Birdcage (AgentBedhead)

Jennifer Garner in The Family Way (CelebritySmack)

Method Man in The Man Who Fell to Earth (POTP)

Nicole Kidman in Heaven (CelebWarship)

Salma Hayek makes a triumphant return in The Single Life (DailyStab)

Corey vs Corey (Defamer)

Michael Lohan Jr in Continent (CandyKirby)

Revenge of the Unfairly Slandered Tomatoes! (IBBB)

Britney and KFed in Agreement (ImNotObsessed)

The Dark Knight in Box Office Boffo! (JustJared)

Flavor Flav in Articulate (Mollygood)

Kelly Osbourne in Stripes (UKPopsugar)

Ashanti in Chintz (Crunk&Disorderly)

Matthew McConaughey in Better Late Than Never (CeleBitchy)

Blaaaaaaaaake in Carcerated! (DListed)

Harry Potter and the crack pipe of doom? (Defamer)

Amy Winehouse is grounded! (DListed)

Mary-Kate sips around (PopSugar)

Can you give David Beckham a hand? (AgentBedhead)

Tatum O’Neil experiences the cruel and relentless beatdown of Rich White People’s Justice (CeleBitchy)

Pete Wentz is Out (CelebritySmack)

Celebrity sideboob (CityRag)

Angelina Jolie is normal (DailyStab)

Cynthia Nixon looking rather fiercer than usual (EvilBeet)

Get into Dita von Teese’s lingerie (BusyBeeBlogger)

Lindsay Lohan and Lily Allen to collaborate, end up killing each other (CelebWarship)

Michael Lohan: the shallow end of the gene pool speaks! (ImNotObsessed)

Is Naomi Watts pregnant again? (Us)

Every Leftie’s dream: torturing Christopher Hitchens (Gawker)

Rush Limbaugh will never go hungry (Mollygood)

Zac Efron is so hardcore (JustJared)

Buy-buy, Guy and Alliteration Challenge! (CelebritySmack)

Vader parader (Lolebrity)

David Hasselhoff is the King of the Internets! (AgentBedhead)

Colin Farrell could use some mash with that banger (Derober)

Corey HaimFeldman not feltup by MJ (CeleBitchy)

Boris Becker breeds with Barbara (CelebrityBabyScoop)

Locklear locked up (SeriouslyOMG)

Phoebie Price’s puckered posterior (DListed)

Ben has Boston on the brain, Hawaii in his heart (PopSugar)

World’s worst winner (Mollygood)

Efron fragrant sez friend (ImNotObsessed)

Nixon nixes bigger boobs (POTP)

Brendan balding (Websters)

Alicia Silverstone’s fart-free fidos (AllieIsWired)

Sienna Miller forced to sport falsies (GabbyBabble)

Snoop Dogg goes after country (DailyStab)

Jack Bauer for twenty-two hours (Defamer)

Four more 4/4’s! (FourFour)

What, Watts? (CandyKirby)

Heidi, ho (IBBB)

Bundchen brings back Brazil (JustJared)

Simon Cowell’s smelly balls (Defamer)

Whacko Jacko did not force man to have cosmetic surgery (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Brad Renfro, RIP (Gawker)

The Blogger Pete Doherty (AgentBedhead)

Skinny Gwynnie hospitalized (DailyStab)

Matthew McConaughey somebody’s babydaddy (Celebitchy)

Joel Madden, babydaddy, blogger (EvilBeet)

Mark Ronson is a full-service music producer (ASocialitesLife)

Ten least sexy nude scenes of all time (BestWeekEver)

Fabio will, like, fuck you up (Mollygood)

Diane Keaton will do it right on GMA (Jossip)

Lilo looks for leggings (ImNotObsessed)

Nicole Richie’s baby? What a looker! (PlanetHiltron)

Johnny Depp donates, performs Jack Sparrow panto at a children’s hospital (HolyMoly)

Annie Lennox, dumped! (ICYDK)

Purse dogs? Katie Holmes has a purse husband! (GoFugYourself)

Jennifer Garner dodged a bullet (HolyCandy)

Just another day in crazy town for Britney (GabbyBabble)

Lindsay Lohan incognito at traffic school (TMZ)

Zac Efron is de-appendixed (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Britney’s kids have already forgotten her (CelebWarship)

Hollywood royalty: Queen Latifah and Tom Cruise (AgentBedhead)

RuPaul’s birth chart (RuPaul)

Johnny Depp’s tattoos: your handy-dandy guide (Hub)

Madonna diverts Malawi charity funds to Kabbalah (CeleBitchy)

Nicole Richie set to lose ~20-25 lbs in one week! (CelebritySmack)

How to kiss Zac Efron (BackseatCuddler)

Eva Mendes, world’s least plausible wan-nun-be (DailyStab)

Tom Hanks, world’s least plausible playboy (okay, except for Cruise) (Cityrag)

Tyra Banks, world’s least plausible lonelyheart (Jossip)

Katie Holmes, world’s least plausible Marathoner (Defamer)

George Clooney, world’s least pl- oh hell, he’s George Clooney, he can be a union negotiator if he wants (PerezHilton)

Miley Cyrus uses body double to perform at concert (Newser)

The ten most inspiring beards of all time (what, no Katie?) (BestWeekEver)

Kathy Griffin goes bare (HolyCandy)

Obama vs Gregory: the dance-off (Wonkette)

Kim Cattrall is bringing the Eighties back! (ImNotObsessed)

Tila Tequila gives Bai Ling a run for her money (DerekHail)

Amy Winehouse is the Albino Wino (DailyMail)

Johnny Depp still believes in Santa! (AgentBedhead)

Ashton Kutcher IS Santa (raincoaster)

Get into Mel Gibson’s pants, make somebody’s dreams come true (Defamer)

Party with Michael Jackson (CelebSlam)

Tony Parker is suing, not screwing (CelebritySmack)

Kiefer Christmasing in jail (CityRag)

Borat and AliG killed! (DailyStab)

Jamie-Lynn Spears has the Facts of Life going for her! (CelebrityMound)

Jamie-Lynn is afraid of Britney’s temper (IDLYITW)

Shane McGowan, who Pete Doherty wants to be when he grows up (Dlisted)

Why you should have heard of Shane McGowan (YouTube)

Oprah oppressing Obama! (EvilBeet)

Rupert Everett lays the smackdown on Jodie Foster, may need UN protection (GabbyBabble)

Lily Allen, her smokes, her pregnancy, and her new tv show (SeriouslyOMGWTF)

Cutest Celebuspawn of 2007 (GoFugYourself)

Zac Efron wigs out (HolyCandy)

Britney Spears flashing figurine (PopOnThePop)

On the Fifth Day of Britmas… (DoodleWhore)

Carleton scores a porn star! All the ladies love a man with smooth moves (CeleBitchy)

The ongoing saga of PerezHilton vs YouTube; advantage: Perez (PerezHilton)

Brangelina on a bike and a trike (INF)

Jen vs Angie onstage! (ImNotObsessed)

Naomi Campbell IS Brenda Starr! (Mollygood)

Amy Winehouse primps. Can’t fault the girl for trying (TheMeatScale)

Scarlett Johannson channels Anna Nicole Smith (Websters)

Britney Spears give her kids toxic playthings of death (WendyWayrad)

Paris Hilton’s new movie has Oscar buzz. I kid! (Yeeeeah)