Celebrity couple predictions

Today’s a good a day as any to dust off the old crystal ball and see what the future holds for celebrity coupledom.  Here are my predictions – be aware that I don’t aim to shock, but to present entirely logical and wonderful possibilities.

Hunky Hollywood heartthrob approaching second mid-life crisis is looking for female with some meat on her bones.  Church of Scientology seeks new high-profile convert.  The rest, as they say, is history.

As she approaches her 19th birthday, Hayden Panettiere decides she needs a boyfriend who is a little older, a little wiser and a little weirder.  Together they can save the whales by paying off the fashion-hungry Japanese with elegant bespoke suits. 

Leaving former paramour Milo Ventimiglia to succumb to the inevitable.

This pairing will come as no surprise – esteemed actor Sir Ben Kingsley will finally be united with his greatest idol while Mary-Kate gets another cool vintage fashion acessory to tote around. It’s a win-win situation.

Freddie Prinze Jr is famous for being married to Sarah Michelle Gellar while Chris Klein is famous for almost marrying Katie Holmes.  Their hookup will cause a cataclysmic explosion of D-listness but hey, at least we know who’ll be wearing the makeup in the relationship.

Leaving former wife Sarah Michelle Gellar to trade up for someone cuddlier.

Lesbian threesomes with a combined IQ of 20 will become the rage for about 2 minutes but that brief period of time will be long enough to produce a sex tape, a carefully worded press release and a trip to Promises in Malibu. 

From the moment her gentle but experienced hands clasped around his postmodern cool aura, Quentin knew he had found his longlife muse and partner.  In fact, they had already met several lifetimes ago when he was a moving picture geek in ancient Mesopotamia and she was the golden-haired cat goddess of the Tigris River.