I see Paris, I see France, what the HELL?

Paris Hilton likes to feel a breeze everywhere

Paris Hilton likes to feel a breeze everywhere, by which I don’t mean Hawaii, Cannes, etc

I almost lost a bet when pictures of Paris Hilton flashing her underwear surfaced. Drunken Stepfather didn’t lose a bet, but he DID lose his grip when he saw the unmistakable upskirt shot, seemingly proving that the former amateur porn star has changed her ways, no longer the commando cutie, source of countless barstool snail trails.

As with everything Paris Hilton, however, all is not how it first appears. The Daily Mail inadvertently revealed that the “dress” was just a cover-up, and that the “actual underpants that Paris Hilton wears now” were really just a bikini from another part of the photoshoot. They returned immediately to their normal reliable reporting, however, by calling this two-tone bikini “monochrome.”

Taxes, Death, and Paris Hilton, ladies and gentlemen.

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