Madonna, post-op patient

I laugh in the face of old age!

When the mystical qualities of Kabbalah spring water merely cause stomach gas and it’s not possible to adopt a new face from Africa, one needs to find alternative ways to sip at the fountain of youth:

Madonna has sparked facelift rumours after she was spotted leaving a New York medical centre sporting what looked like two black eyes.

The 49-year-old Hooked Up singer was snapped wearing her trademark oversized black sunglasses – which failed to mask the dark purple bruising and swelling underneath, a possible after-effect of plastic surgery.

Here’s to a speedy recovery and a new look that’s not too perpetually startled. In the meantime let’s imagine the wild-haired, raccoon-eyed superstar recuperating by restlessly pottering about her English country manor, savagely hacking away at any unfortunate weeds and soaking in her nightly bath of freshly drained virgins’ blood.

Demon Barber of 21 Jump Street

8 Responses to “Madonna, post-op patient”

  1. ak December 11, 2007 at 5:54 pm #

    I don’t know what kind of virgins she’s using, but it’s not working. She’s looking more and more like Baby Jane every day. Which I guess would make Guy Ritchie Blanche.

  2. CarInUtah December 11, 2007 at 7:58 pm #

    I was thinking she looks like a very homely version of Virginia Madsen. Whatever the outcome–every time I see a photo of Madonna lately I can’t help thinking of the saying that as you get older your morals, your past life, and your personality all start to show up on your face. Her life is written all over her face–it’s not pretty.

  3. CarInUtah December 11, 2007 at 7:59 pm #

    woops–I meant to say “whatever the outcome of her plastic surgery…”

  4. Renée December 11, 2007 at 8:29 pm #

    …ak, that was the funniest thing I’ve read all day.I couldn’t quite put my finger on who she reminded me of but you nailed it!

  5. me December 12, 2007 at 5:46 pm #

    I’d like to know what products Depp is using to look as young as he does.

  6. raincoaster December 13, 2007 at 1:29 am #

    He’s got this portrait in his attic that looks like hell, though.

  7. toad December 13, 2007 at 4:01 am #

    Reminds that I need to see the 3rd Pirates of the tourist trap sea movie. Ya know
    dessicated, aninmated, slimy, mutated dead people and monstors.

    Madona may have a bit part along with Lagerfield.

  8. me December 14, 2007 at 7:14 pm #

    Raincoaster: Nice. I believe it.