Goodbye Viva Forever, Hello Foxy Bingo Mom

It’s ironic that a musical entitled VIVA Forever won’t last forever. The show bid farewell a few weeks ago and it was attended by Emma Bunton a.k.a. Baby Spice and Melanie C a.k.a. Sporty Spice. The play was based on the career of famous UK-based girl group Spice Girls, which was a huge phenomenon back in the 1990s. It was directed by actress/comedienne Jennifer Saunders. Too bad, this musical didn’t last that long. Maybe the girl group already lost their spice.

Despite the short-lived stint of VIVA Forever, one of the Spice Girls continues to sizzle with her career and that is Emma Bunton. She was recently named as foxybingo’s “Celebrity Mom of the Year” and said that she felt honored to receive this award. Bunton got most of the votes in this annual poll followed by other foxy moms including Michelle Heaton, Claire Richards, Myleene Klass, and Holly Willoughby. This blonde bombshell must have felt like she won the jackpot at a bingo game after getting the award. Who would ever think that you can get an award out of playing bingo, right? I thought the only reward that you can get out of this game is money. Well, I won’t complain if I get both the award and money just like Emma Bunton, who we can probably call Lucky Spice now.

Luck seems to be on the side of this former Spice Girl member because she also recently signed a contract with ITV for the network’s new show called Your Face Sounds Familiar. So what is this show all about? If you say, “Don’t tell me this is another talent show?” then you guessed it right. Yes, talent shows are becoming a trend on television, but what makes this different than the others? On this show, celebrities will be asked to mimic different musicians each week; and Emma Bunton together with the other judges will give points for each performance. The winner will be the one who earns the highest points coming from both the judges and the viewers. Sound interesting, right? I can’t wait to see any of the contestants do Psy’s “Gangnam Style”; or better yet hear Emma Bunton sing the nursery rhyme “Bingo”.

Cut that out!

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy on the red carpet

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy on the red carpet

Okay, if there’s anybody that doesn’t love these two, you may now close the blog and go back to, I dunno, Brittle Hipster Menthol Snobbery Blog or what-have-you. Now that I’ve got it straight that their new movie is not a sequel to the Robert DeNiro Heat, I’m all the more eager to see it.

And can we just stop for a moment and admire the way Sandy is absolutely nailing it here, fashion-wise? From the tips of her black pedicure to the strappy sandals to the cut out leather dress which signals Badassery and also the ability to wear a cut out leather dress in one’s forties to the unfussy, beachy hair, Sandra Bullock is owning it.

Which makes it my sad duty to say that Melissa is, unfortunately, not owning it. She ain’t even renting it. There is “easy” but then there is “shapeless.” And the scrolldown fug, Oh My God! If they were palazzo pants I might almost forgive this thing, with its tacky cheap zipper that won’t stay in place, its no-neckline neckline, and it’s revolting cupping of the tummy. But noooooo! The one place this thing is tight where it’s supposed to be tight is just where it shouldn’t be. It draws the eye to those awful $45-Payless-looking platforms and frankly make her look like she’s going to tip over any second. Unbalanced is the word for this look. The fabric seems nice, and the color is good on her if not amazing, but it doesn’t fit, and if it did fit it would still look damn awkward. Melissa, there are going to be a lot of red carpets in your future, and this ain’t your first time out at this particular rodeo. “Knockoff Norma Kamali” is not your look; learn this now.

Crocodile Bag Lady

Crocodile bag lady

Crocodile bag lady

You’re never too old for grunge! A middle-aged bag lady busts a gummy grin to show her appreciation for a good plaid flannel shirt as she gathers up scraps of fabric from which to form swaddling clothes for her squalling offspring.

PS I h8 u

Katy Perry stars in Pirates of the San Fernando Valley

Katy Perry stars in Pirates of the San Fernando Valley

I must be losing my edge. I still dislike Katy Perry and think she’s a classic example of making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, but at least lately she’s a much more plausible-looking silk purse. And it’s hard not to feel bad even for a talentless meat puppet who made it big by faking lesbianism and shooting fireworks out of her bustier once you learn that Russell Brand informed her via text message that he was divorcing her.

He could have at least Skyped.

Fashion as Horse Race

Welcome to Chantilly, bitches.

Chantilly 164th Prix de Diane, horse race

Chantilly 164th Prix de Diane, horse race

BAM! And that is how you dress for a great stakes race. For how you dress for a claiming race, see the “acid wash” tag.

Greatest Lifetime Movie in History or GREATEST LIFETIME MOVIE IN HISTORY?

Holiday Horror

Holiday Horror


I have no idea, because we don’t get Lifetime movies up here in Canuckistan, and it’s not on Bittorrent (I was only checking for research purposes, you undertsand). But if you have Lifetime, apparently you’ll see it sooner or later.

Deadly Spa!

When Dawn, an overworked single mother, agrees to take her teenage daughter, Kayla, to a luxurious but isolated spa retreat, the women believe they have escaped to a paradise of spa treatments, yoga, and nature hikes until a series of disturbing incidents has Kayla questioning the perfection around her.  Kayla is convinced they have to leave but Dawn is now hooked on the fantasy constructed by David James, the handsome and charismatic founder of The Source.  The two women split up, with Kayla determined to hike out of the wilderness no matter what it takes while Dawn must come to terms with her own perception of reality and the growing fear that her daughter was right and has now disappeared.

Now, a bit of background. Waaay back in the last century, I was allowed to declare it a holiday any time Satan’s School For Girls came on late at night, I would be allowed to call a sleepover and take the next morning off school. The whole thing was worth at least one school-free morning per year. Now at last comes the perfect pair to make it a double bill!

And by all means, read the best movie review that I’ve seen since Ishtar came out.

Until it’s available on download, I’ll have to content myself with the comically dated eighties effort Death Spa instead!

Wednesday Caption Contest: Cicely Tyson Edition

If you can’t wear this to the Tony Awards, were CAN you wear it? You know what to do, so do it in the captions for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes.

Cicely Tyson at the Tony Awards

Cicely Tyson at the Tony Awards

 

Paris Chic: Rihanna

Rihanna loses control

Rihanna loses control

No question: The Eiffel Tower is indeed exciting, just not perhaps quite that exciting.

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