Ladies, feast your eyes on this, the apotheosis of men’s wear. Of Man’s man’s wear.
This breathtakingly tasteless spectacle is Indian money lender Datta Phuge’s original design. Atop a base of white imported velvet (not that it matters, but who the hell imports silk velvet to India? From where? As if India ran out of silkworms!) the short-sleeved shirt is woven with solid gold threads, at a cost of about $22,000, and adorned with Swarovski crystal buttons. Really? Am I the only one thinking that overpriced rhinestones on a solid gold shirt is just a freaking cop-out? Gimme some beryls, some lapis lazuli, at least some peridot!
Now, setting aside the obvious fact that the shirt is just gawdawful, let us examine the stated goals of the shirt:
- to attract women
- to advertise Phuge’s money lending business.
There’s no question that the shirt will succeed in achieving the first of these, although once he gets to know them he’ll probably conclude he’d rather draw flies. It doesn’t take too many avaricious good time girls to go through an entire stack of gold shirts at a nightclub.
As for the second, it is really the men’s casuals version of the Hummer I used to see driving around Vancouver, plastered with bumperstickers for SavingYouMoney.com.
Somehow you just knew Goldie Hawn was a happy drunk, not a stroppy one like Lindsay Lohan or a maudlin one like that aunt of yours who always gets into the cheap merlot and ends up weeping her mascara down her chin at the thought that she once had a shot at being Miss 4H Goat Cheese ’86 or whatever. Goldie looks like the kind of woman who’d down a forty pounder of JD by way of warmup and then try to lead the whole bar in a hand-holding singalong of Kumbayah or at least something from Bon Jovi. How can you not love her?
I once saw her and Kurt exiting a grocery store in Vancouver, and Goldie held the door for a little old lady. And yes, they both have the best asses on the planet, STILL: Kurt and Goldie, that is. I didn’t notice the little old lady’s.
Something told her it had been a mistake to pair this outfit with the trendy new magnetic nail polish.
Contrary to appearances, that sound you hear is not Beyonce’s buttcheeks clashing together like tectonic plates. That sound you hear is Dame Diana Rigg rolling over in her grave, and she’s not even dead yet. This might just push her over the edge, though.
Ho, ho, ho, it’s time to see who’s been naughty or nice enough to win our Caption Contest from Friday.
Klee December 16, 2012 at 9:44 am #
“Finally-I get MY wish!” exclaimed Mrs. Claus
Kudos and imaginary swag to Klee, who has now wrapped up two victories in a row! It’s hard to imagine a better fantasy pressie than British diver Tom Daley, so we’ve decided to give her this series of Tom Daley Stripping gifs. Feliz Lookitdat!