Ashley Greene at the Breaking Waistband premiere

Nice try, Ashley! Good work at the Canadian Breaking Dawn premiere, pandering to Canuckistani patriotism with the obligatory red outfit on the red carpet (presumably the white is your refreshingly un-orange self). But even though Canada isn’t Paris, it was still a bad idea to try to repurpose Aunt Suzie’s maternity separates as a red carpet gown without so much as a judicious safety-pinning.

What a waist!

and no, I never thought I would type those words.

Speaking of which, they have failed me at the sight of the below. Hopefully you are stronger, and can leave your captions in the comments.

Oh Reej.

Lady Gaga is all about the gheys

Lady Gaga has a lot on her mind lately. In related news, science has once again confirmed the link between the brains of gay males and straight females.

Eva Green vampira

God, I love Eva Green; she frightens me, and it takes a LOTTA fierce to do that. I’m posting this picture for several reasons, even though the makeup is uneven, and black eyeliner forgives nothing:

• car wash skirts 4 eva! If you have the knees for them, very few things look as good.
• minimal, make that no jewelry; it takes confidence to pull that off in the Age of Bling, but if the dress is remarkable enough, it doesn’t need sparklies.
• those shoes. Those SHOES!

I own those shoes. Thank you, Eva Green, for giving me reason to feel fabulous, if only by proxy.

In a similar vein, but a slight variation, these Dolce & Gabbana pumps:

I woulda lost a bet: not ONE of you went for the Austin Powers angle when presented with Richard Simmons in an outfit he stole from my mother in one of her manic periods. But we had some good entries, and now we have a winnah!

Richard Simmons as Austin Powers

Natalie Anne Lanoville
November 12, 2011 at 12:44 am
After putting so much work into his e-Harmony profile, Richard was crushed to find out that Elton John was already married.

Awww, isn’t that always the way: the best ones are either married or gay! Or both! And now for the ceremonial presentation of the imaginary hypothetical prize. In this case, it has to be something just as fabulous as little Richard here, which narrows it down considerably. To second-time champ Natalie we virtually present this swinging Alberto Gozzi Optical Sky Blue Hobo Bag to rock the flower power.

You know what to do, so do it to Richard Simmons in the comments:

Richard Simmons as Austin Powers

It’s time for a roundup! Next time I remember to tag my posts correctly so I can find them again. A triple-header of captions:

Truly Truman

Salome Valentine
October 7, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I can see clearly now

igirl99 October 28, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Sarah felt a little self-conscious in her budget WallE costume.

Chloe Richardson

Since everyone was struck speechless except iGirl99, and she won the previous one, we’re going to call this Foul, and I’m sure that’s something on which we can all agree.

Now, imaginary prizes for our champs Salome Valentine and iGirl99: First, for Salome, something highly Capoteable: a sterling silver cocktail straw from Tiffany & Co. featuring Capote’s favorite accessory: the monkey on his back.

Tiffany Monkey Cocktail Straw

And for iGirl99, we have the hipster-approved Dr Martens Rafi Saddle Shoe for true rockabilly style:

Michelle Williams lights up our lives in Oscar de la Renta

Oh honey, no. I don’t care how much fun you’re having (and when you think of fun-loving starlets, doesn’t your mind automatically go first to Michelle Williams?) the lampshade goes on your head!

It doesn’t turn us on.