“And when I heard that rumour about Karl Urban being cast as the main bad guy in Star Trek VI, I thought to myself, surely they’ve got their Urbans mixed up. I mean Karl is a perfectly serviceable actor and all….Keith may have limited acting credentials…but surely all that real-life experience that comes from being my primary mate has to count for something!”

“No, no you’ve got it all wrong. It’s quick-quick-slow-quick-quick-slow, cross body lead, switch, open break, back spot turn, cross body again, kick swivel, right side pass and THEN open hip twist.”

“Sigh. Mark Cuban makes it look so easy.”

When it comes to parenting, Janice Dickinson (who has raised two kids who seem quite well-behaved) has two bits of advice:

1. Never stop thinking of new ways to embarrass your offspring.
2. Only hug or kiss them once the swelling from surgery has gone down.

Manolo says, at this point, you should perhaps consider changing your barber.

Everyone agreed that when Marilyn Manson invited you over to his drafty castle for afternoon tea, you simply had to try his homemade devil’s food cake.

“Oh, Cindy you’re so funny.  Stop it…I’m laughing so much it hurts!  Really! My face wasn’t re-engineered to deal with such hilarity, you know.”

Hey look, Joaquin is Neanderthal no more.  But he is rather shocked by Jennifer Connelly’s suggestion that in the foreseeable future, he could very well achieve Vince Vaughn levels of bloat.

What would she know anyway, she’s just a gatherer who can’t tell that her dress is on backwards.

Val Kilmer is a complete sucker for special movie screenings. So much so that he came straight off the plane from a tropical holiday paradise, in the Maldives perhaps (I hear the weather’s good this time of year), to watch “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” at the Tribeca Grand.

I hope for his sake, the theatre seats have good legroom.