So the rumor that someone has put a hit out on Kevin Federline seems to be untrue, and I for one am glad.

While I am not a huge supporter of the man who most likely smells like a potent combination of stale tube socks and astroglide, I cannot help but think that murder isn’t really the way to go on this one.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a drunken, panty-less vendetta as much as the next girl, but K-Fed has given us so much –and we don’t just mean that weird rash shaped like Hugh Laurie’s head from that time we used the unisex after him at the airport…no, he’s made me believe in America again.

I mean, where but the good ole Yoonited States can a stoat-faced backup dancer whose only talent is put in grave peril every time he gets enough quarters to ride the K-Mart bouncy horse, grow up to marry America’s favorite lip-synching, python-dancing, pop-and-locking fake virgin?

So I say to Kevin “Possum Toof” Federline: you may be as simple as you are unclean, but you’re what makes this country great. Quaff deeply, sir. Quaff deeply for America.

Did you know:

In the 16th century, eating an artichoke was reserved only for men. Women were denied the pleasure because the artichoke was considered an aphrodisiac and was thought to enhance sexual power.

Did you also know:

In the 21st century, not only are women allowed to lasciviously devour artichokes to their hearts content, they may also go about dressed up like one if the House of Hermès has crafted for them a handbag in a matching colour.

Manolo says, the People magazine reports that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Miller Thorton Sorta-Pitt (nee Voight) are not done having and/or acquiring the babies!

Brad Pitt says he and Angelina Jolie going to need a bigger bed – for their expanding brood.

“We’re not done,” Pitt, 43, quipped, acknowledging public interest in the family’s growth. “They say, ‘Any plans for a fifth?’ And I say, ‘And a sixth, and a seventh, and an eighth, and a ninth.’ That’s my answer.”

“We also made a 9-foot-wide bed” that fits him, Jolie, 32, and all four children, Pitt who is starring in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, told the Associated Press. “Just big enough. One more and we’ll have to go to 11 feet.”

The Jolie-Pitt clan already consists of four kids, all born in Asia or Africa: Maddox, 6, Pax, 3, Zahara, 2, and Shiloh, 1. And, while one parent works in front of the camera, the other takes time off to look after them.

“We just take turns and make sure we keep the family together,” Pitt said, adding in an interview with USA Today, “It’s impossible for us. We’re run out of every major city. There’s just too many paparazzi. There’s always cameras in the kids’ faces, yelling their names.”

And the sixth, and the seventh, and the eighth….were does it stop?

The Manolo does not know. Perhaps we should ask their apparent role models, the Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar of Springdale Arkansas.

Actually, if one has the resources, and the love to spare, and can be the good parent, why not have as many children as possible?

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James are puck bunnies (Daily Stab)

Britney: fired, barred, ejected, dangerous, subpoena’d, custodyless, and still stuck with Federline (Agent Bedhead)

Sugababes vs James Blunt, pot vs kettle (Celebrity Smack)

Mary-Louise Parker adopts a baby (We Love Celebs)

Sally Field’s bleep is the quote o’ the day (GabbyBabble)

Barry Manilow vs Elizabeth Hasselbeck (Gone Hollywood)

David Beckham joins the Men in Black (Holy Candy)

Lindsay Lohan’s street style (Cityrag)

Keira Knightly is HUUUUUUGE! (I’m Not Obsessed)

Tori Amos serenades Britney Spears (LA Rag Mag)

Angelina Jolie trips out at Disneyland (Pop on the Pop)

Chloe Sevigny’s rehab-themed photoshoot for Harper’s Bazaar (Hollywood Backwash)

Paula Abdul and her metrosexual man (HolyMoly)

Jennifer Garner is the superfantastic! (Popsugar)

Ozzie and Sharon’s new crib (WizbangPop)

Shia Le Buff (WOW Report)

O.J. has a girlfriend? (Glossip)

Sharon Stone does Dior (Players, Haters, and Imitators)

Chris Crocker-themed Myspace graphics (MyMyspace)

Ellen had high hopes for the staying power of her elaborate hairdo. As an extra precaution she had even worn her lucky double tassel tieback and partaken in her traditional auspicious gorgefest:

GREY’S ANATOMY star ELLEN POMPEO has a lucky restaurant she visits on her way to Los Angeles awards shows. The actress reveals she likes to “eat a lot” before arriving at events like the Emmy Awards – and there’s one place she loves to visit. She says, “I eat a lot because it’s a long day. I have a ritual now where I go to Joan’s on Third and get my Chicken Milanese. “Then I like to have a spread for all the hair and make-up people and stylists. We have an expresso machine out.”

But alas, the gods of awards night coiffures were not smiling on her. By the end of the night, things had begun to unravel and all of her assistants were too busy stuffing their faces with lightly breaded chicken breast and chugging back the caffeine to care.

Ahead, Warp Factor Fun!

Geoffrey Chaucer asketh

By the blood and nayles and bones of Our Lord, how swyving dare any man to make japeryes of Britney de Speres?

The bad thing about wearing this type of dress:  Rough and scratchy linen fibres can cause irritation in the most inconvenient and worst imaginable places.

The good thing about wearing this type of dress: When there is an itch that simply demands to be scratched in full view of the cameras, deep pockets are an absolute godsend.