Ayyyy!

MANOLO: Mark, Jr. is crowning!

SPIRIT FINGERS: Don’t laugh, many a heavily pregnant karaoke singer has given birth while straining to hit those high notes.

PLUMCAKE: Ah, who are we to mock? When you’re in love the whole world’s your speculum.

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Nice top, Bell. Just one question. When the Whitesnake tape is finished with one side do I have to flip it over or will your car radio cleavage do it automatically?

Have you ever wondered what happens to all that paper stuffing once the gift is opened?

Well, some of it goes to make nifty little numbers for semi-important occasions like proms or European film festivals.

And the rest gets shipped off to New York city, to make every bride’s dream come true.

LolCats want you to LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOOONE! (icanhascheeseburger)

Faith Hill is faithful to fashion (DailyStab)

Taking Marilyn Manson home to Mom & Dad (AgentBedhead)

Lily Allen and Kate Moss show that classic English restraint (CelebritySmack)

Lindsay Lohan is clean, sober, still confused (ASocialite’sLife)

Brad Pitt’s VPL????? (I’mNotObsessed)

George Clooney’s new sex toy (HolyCandy)

Owen Wilson’s sober vacation plans (CeleBitchy)

Jennifer Garner and the meaning of the cash bar (LaineyGossip)

Keri Russell and baby River (HollywoodOffender)

Hot Celebrity Daddies! (CityRag)

At least Danny Bonaduce is wanted by someone! (TMZ)

Elizabeth Taylor is STILL big! It’s the pictures that got small! (Mollygood)

Charlie Sheen is one nasty babydaddy! (ICYDK)

Your colossal daily Britney screwup roundup (HollyScoop)

Angelina collapses drunkenly OR a tabloid is really reaching for headlines (PopBytes)

Even socialites get the shoe-fitting blues (Park Avenue Peerage)

Manolo says, First Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and her husband, and now this Ankylosaurus! The woman is insatiable!

As far as Joaquin Phoenix is concerned, you’re never too old or too respected an actor, to cop a good-natured ribbing about your alopecia. Even if it does offend Mark Wahlberg’s delicate sensibilities now and then, and make Robert Duvall want to put out a hit on him:

No subject was off limits for Phoenix when it came to mocking 76-year-old Duvall, including his baldness.Wahlberg says, “Every day I’m telling Joaquin, ‘Hey, be quiet!’ He called Duvall a dinosaur, he said, ‘Look at your head – it’s peeling!’ He was non-stop.”

And Duvall admits he got annoyed with Phoenix on a couple of occasions, although he still thinks the 32-year-old is a “great guy.”Duvall says, “I got really ticked a couple of times.”

Speaking of prehistoric beings, does it seem to you that lately Joaquin has been regressing into a rumpled, bleary-eyed, caveman ?

Is there anything more terrifying than Courtney Love bearing down on you at full speed, intent on taking you down with a tranquilizer dart full of Oxycontin?

Yes, there is.  It would be Brooke Hogan stalking you the entire night, waiting to pounce on you for some really expensive drinks.

Well that’s Halloween sorted, then. I’m gonna make me a pumpkin bong.