Elizabeth: The Toga Age

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I hear that in this instalment, Queen Elizabeth and her entourage travel back to 50-something BC with the help of a certain Time Lord to compare empire-building notes with Julius Caesar (played by Morgan Freeman) and afterwards attend one of his notoriously wild toga parties.  Mark my words, this one has Oscar buzz written all over it.

The Headlines Write Themselves

Step One: Cut a hole in the box.

okay YOU try making a tasteful joke

Quote of the week

Just you wait, I’ll grow up to be a swan

According to Rumer Willis:

I came home and my parents were really shocked when I walked in the house. My sisters looked at me like, ‘What? Your hair!’

Shocked is probably understating it.  In reality Demi and Bruce were like, “Are you out of your mind?!?!  The one genetic trait you inherited from us that looks ok, and you have to go tamper with it, and pair it with those shoes (not to mention that ghostly apparition). Kids! They’re so ungrateful.”

Links Across the World

Eva Longoria’s dirty home movies? (DailyStab)

Right Now, Van Halen still rocks (AgentBedhead)

Tom Cruise’s enemies spontaneously repent, off selves (CeleBitchy)

Spice Girls sell out (CelebritySmack)

Britney doesn’t need a babysitter anymore, y’all! (I’mNotObsessed)

Britney’s scofflaw ways that lost her kids (GabbyBabble)

But she’ll always have the Just Britney art show (WOWReport)

Keith Urban’s motorcycle wipeout (ICYDN)

Mary-Kate thinks she’s God, possibly inhaled (NYDN)

It’s Take Your Shiloh to Work Day for Brangelina (AllieIsWired)

Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom together again for the first time (HolyCandy)

The (d)evolution of Carrot Top (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Ben- blames -Nifer for failure (HollywoodOffender)

Pamela Anderson engaged to Paris’ pornographer  (Yeeeah)

Katie Holmes “acts,” forgets to move facial muscles (LaineyGossip)

David Letterman welcomes Paris Hilton, wipes floor with her (Defamer)

A merger of equals

Yes, tis a great day for internet sex tape industry. Tis a great day when the creative genius behind “1 Night in Paris” and the leading lady of Pam and Tommy’s “Honeymoon Video” are given the green light to join forces by the Clark County Marriage License Bureau:

Onetime “Baywatch” beauty Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, a former boyfriend of Paris Hilton, applied for and were granted a marriage license in Las Vegas on Saturday, the syndicated TV show “Access Hollywood” has reported.

This high-profile collaboration promises to result in the most downloaded video ever, surpassing the heights set by Paris Hilton’s night vision masterpiece. No wonder Paris has been looking so glum lately.

The Unbearable Lightness of Carrot Top

You start out slowly, with maybe those protein shakes. Then you switch to the needle. In the arm, between the toes, underneath the pencil line of your seriously questionable Kim Novak brows…anywhere to find a vein. Next thing you know you’re on the street with nothing to your name but a nylon shirt and a selection of Wet n’ Wild cosmetics offering to “naturally-moisten” people’s contact lenses for a buck.

tragic.jpg

Monday morning blues

Hang in there Anna, only one more fashion week to go. In the meantime you might want to put those dark glasses back on and see a doctor about that rather frumpy back hernia.

The Grim Reaper

Manolo says, Tilda Swinton proves that no occasion is too festive that it cannot be enlivened with some clerical black.