Baby Got…what IS that thing?

The looks on the faces of the witnesses said it all.

The Smiths

The Smith Family

Rihanna is not worried. One Direction is drunk.

Rihanna is not worried. One Direction is drunk.

Is that guy in the back watching the sky, waiting for a lightning bolt to strike this unholy abomination? Has he called in a drone strike? What unspeakable apparition has so horrified the normally unflappable Smiths? Click over the jump to see, but remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen!

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Oh. Gee.

Oh Jeez, Miley!

Oh Jeez, Miley!

Here is fresh-faced country-western scion and pop princess Miley Cyrus demonstrating just how white a white girl can look while appropriating slogans from black culture. She looks like a Harvard Park & Ride lot lizard the day after Labor Day.

Aniston, what are you doing?

I’m talking about this dress:

Dioriffic! Is that a perfume name? It should be.

Dioriffic! Is that a perfume name? It should be.

There are three things to say about this dress:

  1. It’s cute. It’s bloody adorable, in fact. It’s what Zooey Deschanel would wear if she were a grown person I could stand instead of a twee hipster pixie girl. It feels disloyal to like Dior without Galliano, but this is a beautiful, flattering, feminine dress that reminds you that there are pretty things in the world which are not brittle or sleek.
  2. It needs a good pressing.
  3. It’s entirely inappropriate for a premiere, which is where she wore it. This is a lunch dress, or a day wedding guest’s dress. This is the dress you wear with your best friends or your favorite aunt when you go sit on an expensive restaurant’s patio and drink just a little bit too much prosecco together while flirting lightly with the men at the next table.

I’ve been thinking a lot about dresses for the red (or here, blue) carpet lately. Well, it’s the sort of thing I get paid for, isn’t it? Aniston usually gets it right; she’s been doing it since before the Rachel was a thing, and this year she’s mixed up the long gowns with some very dressy short dresses, they’re still notably formal, even if they’re a bit hard-edged for my taste. They are prom or homecoming dresses, not lunch on the patio dresses (side note: until this week I didn’t know there were homecoming dresses. I thought homecoming involved tailgate picnics and lots of LL Bean. Once pointed to DressFirst, I learned my mistake; not a plaid in sight!).

So ultimately, this is the right dress in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mind you, we can’t rule out the possibility that she was indeed going to have a long, boozy lunch on an expensive patio later and if she was, more power to her! But bring the dress in a tote next time and change later!

Who’s That Girl? Marcia, Marcia, Marcia edition

was it Marcia or Marsha? THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

was it Marcia or Marsha? THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

Truth be told, in the early 70′s EVERYONE looked like that, or wanted to. I can still feel the scratchy polyester poorboy sweater (shudders). Click over the jump to see who this toothy kid turned into. And if you put a caption in for the Caption Contest, be patient for one more day. We’re still fishing them out of the Spam filter while recovering from the flu, so it could be a day or so before we give Clay Aiken his due.

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Who’s That Girl: Harper’s Bazaar Edition

Dakota Fanning in Harper's Bazaar

Dakota Fanning in Harper’s Bazaar

How quickly they grow up, eh? This, my friends, is not a photoshopped-to-hell-as-usual Julianne Moore. Nor is it a vintage portrait of Helena Bonham Carter as a young Faerie Kin. It is, in fact, the all-growed-up Dakota Fanning, looking quite astonishingly beautiful in Harper’s Bazaar. The hair, the poise, the makeup, the shape, the colours; I love everything about this except the flammable-looking fur trim. One might (and one does) quibble about some of the other Bazaar Beauties in the series, but this photo is indeed a document of iconic beauty.

It is, yes, the superfantastic!

Friday IMAGINARY caption contest: Clay Aiken Edition

Okay, so we still can’t approve the comments. Still, I saw this and thought you could at least caption it in your heads.

Clay Aiken wtf

Clay Aiken wtf

Madame Tussaud’s Finest Hour

MoneGASP! Royal Family.

MoneGASP! Royal Family.

Designer Karl Lagerfeld stares grimly at the latest exhibition in the House of Wax. Sure, he recognizes Princess Caroline and her brother, along with his corpse bride. And who doesn’t know Natalia Vodyanova, even in that ghastly lipstick? Alas, M. Arnault there looks more like a youthful Griffin Dunne, while unfortunately, none of the attendants was able to enlighten Uncle Karl as to the reason the Stockard Channing figurine on the far left was included in the display.

Lettuce spray

Courtney Stodden for PETA

Courtney Stodden for PETA. She’s so anti animal abuse she’s almost post-biological herself!

Is this where they get the term “Wedge Salad?”

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