State of Emergency declared in Malibu

That $cientology diuretic diet sure works!

That $cientology diuretic diet sure works!

“Oh MOM! I told you to go before we left home!”

In related news, Katie is actually wearing three inch heels. On the beach. As for the blazer with cutoffs, the “Goldman Sachs/Tara Reid” look has never worked for anyone.

Let’s have a round of Pee-Pee Cocktails (yes, this is a real thing, and not half bad) and some celebrity gossip links.

Alec Baldwin busts his cherry! Twitter virginity: it’s happened to all of us! (raincoaster)

How many Britney fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No, seriously, how many? Take off your socks if you have to… (Ayyyy)

Sunday Food Porn! Sushi Sunday! Not bad, for a legally blind photographer. (Manolofood)

Conan O’Brien’s Coyote Morning. OMG she’s so totally under age! (Lolebrity)

Chicken Soup for the Young Witch. Which really should include the advice to read better books, you’d think. (AgentBedhead)

Chris Isaak brings the fur! I…I’m nearly speechless. Wetsuit. Fur. Um… (BusyBeeBlogger)

Snooki vs Cops! Why does the stubby sexpot always end up on the losing end of these exchanges with the law? CONSPIRACY! (CelebDirtyLaundry)

Divorcing Celebrities celebrate Memorial Day! Shop till you drop/straddle a penis replacement. Guess which is the Kennedy. (CelebritySmack)

The Girl with the Most Awesome Movie Trailer. Or dragon tattoo. But everybody I know has one of those. Just me then? Just me? (CelebVIPLounge)

Sean Kingston and his plus one admitted to Emergency, bypassing the velvet rope. In related news, people have serious accidents on JetSki’s? (DailyStab)

Good news/Bad news: In Good News news, next generation Kardashians are unable to replicate. In Bad News news, they may still be sleeping with your children. (EarSucker)

Selma Blair much less intolerable pregnant. In related news, Selma Blair pregnant (who knew? who cared?) (FitFabCeleb)

Top THAT! 15 Stars wearing top hats: if Only I were one. My top hat fetish is a remnant of my 80′s upbringing. (GirlsTalkinSmack)

Miley Cyrus makes it easy for the TSA. And also gossip bloggers looking for cheap shots. (HaveUHeard)

“Hobbit” teasers. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (HollywoodHiccups)

Adorable mentally impaired person proposes to Lady Gaga on Twitter. No response yet. (INeedMyFix)

Born this way: deeply in debt. Oh, who can’t relate to this? (MathewGuiver)

Britney hates Brazil? Don’t cry for her! (PoorBritney)

And this is WHY the Bielebers hate Selina Gomez. Because you don’t get a figure like that lying around your Scarborough bedroom listening to YouTubes! (TheSkinny)

More Pink! More Plump! More Plus! Oh come on, who doesn’t love this woman? More of her is ALWAYS better! (TheSkinnyChic)

Selah.

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