The Decline and Fall of Britney Spears

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Britney, we love you, but we’ve gotta talk. Oh gurl, when did it all start to go wrong? Not you per se: I think we all remember the Crazy Britney period. I speak rather of your journey on the Long Road Back to Good Britneyhood. Staying (apparently) clean. Dating (apparently) normal guys. (Apparently) being responsible with your money. Getting The Body back. And the attitude.

You were doing so well, giving the public their American Princess back in the spotlight, doing well, looking after your family, making good decisions. But there was one thing you weren’t giving us: this.

That is the uncut version of the dance from Slave 4 U and in it Britney Spears absolutely slays it. Those backup dancers can barely keep up. Damn, that girl could dance.

This is the new video that Britney has just released, Work B***h [Explicit].

I mean, I loves me some Lambo porn, but this just isn’t in the Old Britney league. In it we can see that she still has the head snap and the arms and the hair, but the rest of the moves? Not so much, not at all. Are Louboutins really that hard to dance in? She managed Gangnam Style on Ellen just fine. Did giving birth to two kids really screw up her back and she’s just not telling us, or has Daddy Spears got her on such a tight leash that she leaves all the tough moves to the hammerhead sharks? I mean, I’m fat and un-athletic at the moment, but I can do these moves. As Ed the Sock once said of her earlier video for Stronger, “I know strippers who don’t know these moves!” That was then, this is now. Sic transit gloria Britney.

3 Responses to “The Decline and Fall of Britney Spears”

  1. raincoaster October 3, 2013 at 7:30 am #

    Also, I adore that although she’s currently putting on a fake English accent like Madonna, she says “France” like every cashier at a Piggly Wiggly in America.