The Presleys…Ayyyy!


SPIRIT FINGERS: Three generations of women, bound by their bad dyejobs and love for eyeliner. This is not unlike the majority of family Christmas Cards.

PLUMCAKE: And then there’s the benign, Colin Firth-lookin’ dude in the background. What do you bet that when he saw this photo he was all “OMG I knew it…I’m totally the Marilyn.”

MANOLO: The Manolo’s first thought? This is why Elvis died young, so he wouldn’t have to see this.

SPIRIT FINGERS: Ryan Cabrera is just a few undone buttons away from being the next Kid Rock.

PLUMCAKE: I’m just trying to figure out the neckerchief. Does Valtrex come in a site-specific patch now? It’s about suppression…and accessorizing.

MANOLO: You just know that if the King had lived, Ryan Cabrera would now be tasting the sweet karate-based justice of the Memphis Mafia

SPIRIT FINGERS: I’m guessing Priscilla is suffering from a rare skin condition that forces her to keep out of daylight. What is it called..starts with v…vampirism, that’s the one.

MANOLO: Vampirism? The Manolo was thinking Kabuki-ism. She looks ready to play the role of Yum-Yum in the Berlin Experimental Theater version of the Mikado. (Now with 90% less Gilbert and Sullivan, and 100% more incomprehensible Germanic angst!)


SPIRIT FINGERS: All that’s missing is some eye of newt and a bubbling cauldron. Then the coven will be ready induct its latest member – a very bored-looking supermodel with fingers growing on her back.

KATE MOSS: Oi. I come all the way over here, put on my favorite furry jumper (the answer is fourteen okay? Fourteen long-haired Northumbrian badgers had to die, so just leave it alone, alright?) in hopes of maybe sharing a little something with the family of one of my personal heroes, right? NOTHING. Not even a contact high. ALSO, I don’t even think the little blonde one is even an Olsen.

SPIRIT FINGERS: The little blonde one has either had too much to drink or been possessed by vengeful badger spirits with Scientologist leanings.

MANOLO: Why is Lisa Marie smiling? Did Michael Jackson’s tour bus just run over Nicolas Cage?

SPIRIT FINGERS: I am equally repelled and fascinated by Priscilla’s inability to move her face. Remind me never to invite her to Poker Wednesdays.

MANOLO: This face is so hardened you could use it to crack ice for your drinks.

PRISCILLA: Fools! This is the finest Carrera marble, imported from the same quarries that supplied Michelangelo! Your icepicks will bounce off me like toothpicks against the statue of David itself.

10 Responses to “The Presleys…Ayyyy!”

  1. quakerchic December 21, 2007 at 12:22 pm #

    Wow, when Lisa Marie smiles she looks, dare I say it, normal. Now THAT is creepy.

  2. a girl December 21, 2007 at 2:19 pm #

    In that picture, Ryan Cabrera looks EXACTLY like Lisa Marie’s first husband Danny Keough, who is Riley’s father. In fact that’s who I thought it was at first. Which makes it reeeeeally disturbing that he’s dating Riley.

    Check it out; here’s a pic of Danny Keough:

  3. Jennie December 21, 2007 at 3:27 pm #

    One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, now Go Goth Go! So don’t cha mess with my muppet hood… You can do anything but it still won’t make us look good….

  4. Sarah December 21, 2007 at 8:41 pm #

    The guy is the Marilyn?? I guess that depends on which Marilyn. Do you mean Marilyn Manson? ‘Cause Priscilla is trying to to be his twin.

  5. Daniela December 21, 2007 at 10:06 pm #

    Night of the living dead, indeed.

  6. toad December 26, 2007 at 8:53 am #

    That reminds of the time we were having troubles with raccoons infesting the shopping center dumpsters.

  7. jen December 27, 2007 at 4:46 pm #

    If only the king were here…..sigh…..

  8. La Petite Acadienne December 29, 2007 at 1:17 am #

    Lisa Marie looks older than Priscilla. Which is no insult to Lisa Marie, but is a statement on the fact that Priscilla looks a little…overprocessed.

  9. angela April 23, 2008 at 11:07 am #

    What King? We’re still calling that dead man a King? He was just another human being that sang songs, songs that weren’t written or produced by him.
    The only King is Christ.

  10. Zann October 14, 2008 at 2:35 pm #

    agirl….VERY good! You’re right, Ryan C and Danny K could be twins.

    angela…let me guess: yet another AA dissing Elvis for some imagined insult to black music.