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11 Responses to “Tom Cruise Has the Wide Stance”

1. 

   Scott November 6, 2007 at 7:02 pm #

   and an abnormally large head.
2. 

   Occasus November 7, 2007 at 2:48 am #

   No, his head is normal sized.

   It’s just that his shoulders are so narrow.

   Cruise must weigh in at 145lbs, tops.
3. 

   DrZin November 7, 2007 at 3:10 am #

   Yeah, what is he? About 5’3″?
4. 

   Toby Wollin November 7, 2007 at 9:46 am #

   OK, let’s separate our overwhelming “creepy/weirdness/Scientologist” stuff to just take a look at this shot.
   Mr. Cruise is not a tall guy. As a matter of fact, I think he’s in the 5’6″-5’8″ range, which puts him in my father’s stature. How he’s standing is pretty interesting – it’s a real “I’m the king of what I’m standing on” sort of look.
   Do I like his hair – no – I don’t – it’s a difficult thing to be 45 years old, a pretty new Dad, married to someone who is what – 18 years younger than he is – with a movie career that is frankly on life-support — and try to carry off the “Risky Business – I’m 20 years old” look. But, he’s still trying to “find his feet” I think, in terms of where he goes now. But as a short guy, I think this stance is not that unusual – a lot of short men I’ve worked with over the years have been hyper aggressive/marketing/sales types who tend to be crazy and in your face anyway – but I always felt that was because they were short and felt they had to in order to get any sense of credibility.
5. 

   Uncle Kenny November 7, 2007 at 10:28 am #

   Forget the stance, look at the shoes. Those extended-toe girly shoes are designed to make his feet look several sizes larger than they actually are. A tiny little man with tiny little feet and a movie star head.

   The comb-forward variation of the comb-over is not fooling anyone, either. Time for the Willis cut. Let’s see how much you really have left, Maverick. Alternately, he could ask his co-religionist, Travolta, where to find some quality toupees.

   (By the way, can I trademark the term “movie star head”?)
6. 

   Joan H. November 7, 2007 at 11:40 am #

   The shoes are what did it for me — Uncle Kenny’s right, they look as if they’re at least two sizes too big for him. The entire photo just creeps me out. I keep thinking the perspective is all wrong, but then I wonder if it’s just that Cruise is disproportioned in reality.
7. 

   Annalucia November 7, 2007 at 3:36 pm #

   If he wishes to emulate the “parade rest” stance of the United States Marine Corps, the Tom must fold his hands *behind* the back. And still he will not persuade anybody.
8. 

   La BellaDonna November 7, 2007 at 4:35 pm #

   La BellaDonna, she says Hola! to the lovely Annalucia, and begs her most respectfully to please keep the Crazy Cruise away from the lovely, wonderful folks and the establishment that is the Marine Corp. They have the troubles enough.

   And also? La BellaDonna, she feels the need to point out to Mr. Cruise that adding the inches to his shoes will not add the inches to his height. Or anywhere else.
9. 

   Annalucia November 7, 2007 at 5:46 pm #

   Hola to the BellaDonna, and fear not for the Corps. The Annalucia has been to two boot-camp graduations, those of her sons the Giovannino and the Giorgione, and she can assure any who read this that the several hundred young men in uniform standing at “parade rest” have nothing of the Cruise about them. In fact the Cruise can only dream of showing class and confidence one sees in the typical nineteen-year-old Private First Class.

   And here is another curiosity -at these graduations there are a great number of the young men shorter than the average. The Giorgione (who is in fact quite tall and thin like his father) says that this is actually to their advantage, as the boot-camp training is quite strenuous physically, and the short, compact young men seem to withstand the difficulty better. And somehow, after all that, they seem to have no need to be “in your face” or adopt a “macho man” pose.

   And the Annalucia will second the Uncle Kenny, and say that it is past time for the Tom to get the haircut of the grown-up.
10. 

    raincoaster November 7, 2007 at 6:04 pm #

    I just want to know what he’s doing on Laugh In. I didn’t know he was that old!
11. 

    toad November 8, 2007 at 5:19 am #

    I’m having a senior moment but there was a saying that Hollywood was full of short male actors and tall females. I think they had to dig a trench for an actress who was shooting a walking scene with Alan Ladd. There are lots of stories about having to get boxes and stuff for short actors to stand on. I should also state that I liked Alan Ladd. “Shane come back, you’ve go the keys to the out house!”