As I reflected upon the past week of tabloid drama, mostly dominated by Britney’s mommy woes, I realised that I had almost overlooked the news that Jessica Simpson had won the weight war. Really, I had no idea she was even at battle, but I guess that’s how good she is at covert operations and secret plots.
Seen below is Jessica doing her victory parade, having vanquished some pounds around her cheeks, thighs and knees. Her paternally-lauded double Ds may have also suffered losses but there will inevitably be incidental casualties with any war. And if you don’t like the new and improved Jessica Simpson, then that means you didn’t support her weight war which probably makes you an un-American appeaser of body fat.