Whoa, Nelly (the headlines just write themselves)
I am not one to steal lines, especially not from people who a) read what I have to write and b) are technically the boss of me and could with one fell swoop seriously limit my ability to finance the glamorous life of name brand soda and snacking cakes I so deeply enjoy. That being said, desperate t’s call for desperate whatnots and in that spirit I would like to say AYYYY Nelly Furtado!
I fear she has gotten into to hands of her enemies and her ill-wishers have performed upon her person a horrible, horrible cruelty, either that or she has not yet learned that using makeup found in truck stop parking lots is rarely a good idea. The blonde is abysmal, and her dress looks like a venetian blind and dear God WHAT is that thing trapped between the two ribbons on the right side of her dress? Is it a tumor? Is it an extra breast that would, incidentally, make her actually interesting to me for about 20 brief but glorious seconds? Is it an alien baby that will burst out of her chest cavity and possibly draw attention away from that garish smear of syphilitic hooker lipstick?
More importantly, when the alien baby comes out, do I still get to slap the mother?
The regrowth does not help either.
Nooooooo!!! Nelly, darling, you are a lovely, brunette, Portugese-Canadian beauty. Why do you want to look like a generic blond pop-tart? Go take a look at your own video for “Promiscuous” — you were breathtaking.
/sobs quiety in corner
Oh, and Plumcake? I think that lump is actually the bottom edge of her ribcage — she has her posture hitched sort of funny, so that might have caused that. At least, I hope that’s it. Otherwise, I’m completely at a loss.
Plumcake, was that a Wodehouse reference? Well played!
She’s a beautiful lady who can’t dress herself to save her life. Now she’s got the hair too, so if by some fortunate miracle she went blind for a minute and actually chose clothes that look good on her, her hair will give her the perma-ugly she so obviously desires.
She looks like she’s wearing the “Kate Winslet as a streetwalker” costume she got for Halloween.
And why does she always do that stupid thing with her mouth? She looks like she’s about to tell Mom on you for something.