Won’t You Help the Greediest?

Pity the poor little Fashion Troll! One (okay, two) anti-semitic on-camera rants and not only is he Dooced from Dior, he’s Gone from Galliano as well!

That’s right: just like Halston and many another poor sap before him, the Fashion Troll sold his name to a company that has a different set of priorities, priorities that apparently don’t include employing someone radioactive just because he’s also jaw-droppingly talented. While the fashion world is all a-Twitter about the question of who will be doing Galliano in a world which still, you know, contains Galliano, we here in the Manolosphere are more interested in what will happen to the once-mighty Troll when the (no doubt fabulous) rubber hits the road.

Since he’s apparently unemployable in the fashion world, let’s play Employment Counselor and see what potential professions would suit the erstwhile toast of Paris.

PR is obviously out.

Hello, Sailor! John Galliano is fit for an Olive Oyl

Sailor? Possibly, but it’s awfully hard to patrol the Mediterranean while simultaneously avoiding Israel.

Work it for dear life!

Model? Too short, too fat, too ugly, as he would tell himself after a few drinks. He’d probably also kick in “too Jewish” for good measure, although I don’t think it ever hurt Shalom Harlow any.

King? Kong!

King/Dictator For Life? Ask Mubarak or Gaddafi: dictators and absolute monarchs are SO 20th Century.

I don't know what that look is, other than deranged and vaguely fabulous

Some sort of Afghani toreador? Sorry, John, I think they used all the bulls in Afghanistan to clear minefields.

But can he type?

Newsie? They do say a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, and his infamous line was one of the straightest we’ve ever heard from the man, but as it didn’t succeed in bringing them closer, we say he fails on both sentence structure and geometry.

John Galliano IS a rake

Farmer? Not down-to-earth enough. Rake? Possibly, possibly. Is there money in that?

Galliano and Uncle Karl

Plus one? I’ve tried this, and you may be shocked, but it’s not that easy to make a living at it. The Diva Diet is notoriously hard on your liver. Also, you think he’s still going to be Uncle Karl’s plus one? He’ll be lucky to be seen in a Twitpic with Tara Reid.

John Galliano understudies Liza

Road show of Cabaret?

John Galliano demonstrates how the mother bird feeds her little model

Ornithology nutrition specialist? Model dietitian?

Hello. My Name is John Galliano. You keeled my career. Prepare to die!

Rapie— you know, I’m not gonna finish that one.

Is that a paperback in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Filthy magazine vendor?

Duuuude!

Stoner? I think this one may win Most Likely To.

Asshatstronaut?

This could be a winner, folks. I don’t imagine at this point we’d encounter too much opposition to the idea of shooting him into space, although we’d probably have to promise not to bring him back.