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The Golden Gifs

Did I watch the Golden Globes? Are you kidding, that’s what recappers are for! But I did do a roundup of the best Golden Globes themed GIFs (hard G, y’all) and pick out the biggest loser, fashion-wise, so you’re welcome.

If, like me, you missed the whole thing, watch this video that recaps it in ninety seconds flat. Like me.

Let’s start with respected theatre and motion picture actress Emma Thompson seen here demonstrating her classical RADA training in how to make an unforgettable entrance.

Also making a memorable entrance was Elisabeth Moss on the ManiCam (the ManiCam is a thing? Jesus, take the wheel).

Elisabeth Moss and the ManiCam

Elisabeth Moss and the ManiCam

The evening’s theme was “Negging,” flawlessly demonstrated here by my boy Bono.

Bono No Go

Bono No Go

Everybody’s least favorite heiress (after Paris Hilton) jumped on the negging trend; it will no doubt form the centerpiece of an episode of Girls in the near future.

Leah Don't Play That Way

Leah Don’t Play That Way

Other celebs to leap aboard the negging juggernaut included:

Tommy Lee Jones

Protip: he's really not into you

Protip: he’s really not into you

and the normally-sunny Julia Louis Dreyfuss

JLewDry and ReeWi

JLewDry and ReeWi

as well as Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, the hosts.

Emma Watson knows it's coming

Emma Watson knows it’s coming

It's Mean Girls Live!

It’s Mean Girls Live!

was it good for you too, Emma Watson?

was it good for you too, Emma Watson?

Satisfying. In fact, negging on Taylor was a sub-plot all night. That spirit is embodied here in Everyone’s New Favorite Spunky Blonde, Jennifer Lawrence.

Jlaw vs TaySwi

Jlaw vs TaySwi

Negging on JLaw’s couture Dior dress was a Thing as well, although it was not a GIF. Still, amusing and accurate.

We don't Love it and yes I know that's badminton not tennis. Shut up.

We don’t Love it and yes I know that’s badminton not tennis. Shut up.

The World’s Most Perfect Person negged her own shoes, and they were Louboutins, and went on to neg the entire process of awards-presentation, but of course she did it flawlessly!

Emma

Emma


Emma  is Telling You Things

Emma is Telling You Things


Emma  has her priorities straight

Emma has her priorities straight


Emma wants a refill

Emma wants a refill

And it all ended happily ever after.

Amy and Bono sitting in a tree

Amy and Bono sitting in a tree

Unless your name is Ali Hewson, of course.

Net Zero

Jlaw Dior net zero

Jlaw Dior net zero

It must be confessed, and that by me, that I have not been following the Hunger Games: not read the books, not seen the movies. And yet I am somewhat surprised to see the delightful and talented Jennifer Lawrence here at the premiere of the sequel, wearing what appears to be an Esther Williams swimming costume sheathed in a cover-up made of designer screen door netting. Is there a part of this movie where she dives deep and does duel with fearsome Grindylows to win for the greater glory of Griffindor?

Okay, no, wait. Don’t tell me. I’m liking this. Once I can figure out how to work in an 80’s era Patrick Duffy, I’m good with this. Don’t burst my bubble!

Natalie Portman’s Dior Airbaby Debuts

Natalie Portman air baby

Natalie Portman air baby

And doesn’t she look thrilled about it? Looks like 2013 is the year of ostentatiously artificial hair dyes and air babies. Because 1983 was the year of Sequin Tube Top.

Aniston, what are you doing?

I’m talking about this dress:

Dioriffic! Is that a perfume name? It should be.

Dioriffic! Is that a perfume name? It should be.

There are three things to say about this dress:

  1. It’s cute. It’s bloody adorable, in fact. It’s what Zooey Deschanel would wear if she were a grown person I could stand instead of a twee hipster pixie girl. It feels disloyal to like Dior without Galliano, but this is a beautiful, flattering, feminine dress that reminds you that there are pretty things in the world which are not brittle or sleek.
  2. It needs a good pressing.
  3. It’s entirely inappropriate for a premiere, which is where she wore it. This is a lunch dress, or a day wedding guest’s dress. This is the dress you wear with your best friends or your favorite aunt when you go sit on an expensive restaurant’s patio and drink just a little bit too much prosecco together while flirting lightly with the men at the next table.

I’ve been thinking a lot about dresses for the red (or here, blue) carpet lately. Well, it’s the sort of thing I get paid for, isn’t it? Aniston usually gets it right; she’s been doing it since before the Rachel was a thing, and this year she’s mixed up the long gowns with some very dressy short dresses, they’re still notably formal, even if they’re a bit hard-edged for my taste. They are prom or homecoming dresses, not lunch on the patio dresses (side note: until this week I didn’t know there were homecoming dresses. I thought homecoming involved tailgate picnics and lots of LL Bean. Once pointed to DressFirst, I learned my mistake; not a plaid in sight!).

So ultimately, this is the right dress in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mind you, we can’t rule out the possibility that she was indeed going to have a long, boozy lunch on an expensive patio later and if she was, more power to her! But bring the dress in a tote next time and change later!

Won’t You Help the Greediest?

Pity the poor little Fashion Troll! One (okay, two) anti-semitic on-camera rants and not only is he Dooced from Dior, he’s Gone from Galliano as well!

That’s right: just like Halston and many another poor sap before him, the Fashion Troll sold his name to a company that has a different set of priorities, priorities that apparently don’t include employing someone radioactive just because he’s also jaw-droppingly talented. While the fashion world is all a-Twitter about the question of who will be doing Galliano in a world which still, you know, contains Galliano, we here in the Manolosphere are more interested in what will happen to the once-mighty Troll when the (no doubt fabulous) rubber hits the road.

Since he’s apparently unemployable in the fashion world, let’s play Employment Counselor and see what potential professions would suit the erstwhile toast of Paris.

PR is obviously out.

Hello, Sailor! John Galliano is fit for an Olive Oyl

Hello, Sailor! John Galliano is fit for an Olive Oyl

Sailor? Possibly, but it’s awfully hard to patrol the Mediterranean while simultaneously avoiding Israel.

Work it for dear life!

Work it for dear life!

Model? Too short, too fat, too ugly, as he would tell himself after a few drinks. He’d probably also kick in “too Jewish” for good measure, although I don’t think it ever hurt Shalom Harlow any.

King? Kong!

King? Kong!

King/Dictator For Life? Ask Mubarak or Gaddafi: dictators and absolute monarchs are SO 20th Century.

I don't know what that look is, other than deranged and vaguely fabulous

I don't know what that look is, other than deranged and vaguely fabulous

Some sort of Afghani toreador? Sorry, John, I think they used all the bulls in Afghanistan to clear minefields.

But can he type?

But can he type?

Newsie? They do say a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, and his infamous line was one of the straightest we’ve ever heard from the man, but as it didn’t succeed in bringing them closer, we say he fails on both sentence structure and geometry.

John Galliano IS a rake

John Galliano IS a rake

Farmer? Not down-to-earth enough. Rake? Possibly, possibly. Is there money in that?

Galliano and Uncle Karl

Galliano and Uncle Karl

Plus one? I’ve tried this, and you may be shocked, but it’s not that easy to make a living at it. The Diva Diet is notoriously hard on your liver. Also, you think he’s still going to be Uncle Karl’s plus one? He’ll be lucky to be seen in a Twitpic with Tara Reid.

John Galliano understudies Liza

John Galliano understudies Liza

Road show of Cabaret?

John Galliano demonstrates how the mother bird feeds her little model

John Galliano demonstrates how the mother bird feeds her little model

Ornithology nutrition specialist? Model dietitian?

John Galliano defies you to finish that sentence

Hello. My Name is John Galliano. You keeled my career. Prepare to die!

Rapie— you know, I’m not gonna finish that one.

Is that a paperback in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Is that a paperback in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Filthy magazine vendor?

Duuuude!

Duuuude!

Stoner? I think this one may win Most Likely To.

Asshatstronaut?

Asshatstronaut?

This could be a winner, folks. I don’t imagine at this point we’d encounter too much opposition to the idea of shooting him into space, although we’d probably have to promise not to bring him back.

John Galliano gets a promotion

SHE is coming for you. On HIS orders.

Fed up with his title of “Favorite Funky Fashion Troll,” John Galliano has gone upscale, old-skool. Remember (or am I the only one old enough?) the Great Schism? Well, Galliano has gone and repeated history. Doesn’t “The Pope of Paris” sound so much better than grubby little Avignon?

Multiple popes? Collect the whole set! Gotta catechism ’em all!

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